Go for their heart
About This Episode
You cannot appeal to a child's logic when they are overly emotional. You cannot change another’s heart, but you can control your own thoughts and behavior. When you are in an argument with your child, navigate to a calm place and explain your feelings, inviting the child to do the same. Ignoring the turbulent emotions of your child on a regular basis will not equip them to deal with their own emotions.
Featuring
Additional Info
RECAP
When your child is clearly upset, put your reasons and logic on hold, and get down at their level. Recognize the feelings they are expressing and call those out. By doing so, you’ll give your child a vocabulary of emotions that they can draw on to describe how they are feeling about situations. Once they are able to express themselves clearly, and they calm down, they will be in a better place to listen to the advice, rules and expectations you want to go over with them. To help children own and understand their own feelings, though, it’s helpful to also work on recognizing these feelings for yourself as well. When you are able to understand and manage your own feelings, you’ll be able to help others work through theirs. As you recognize your child’s feelings, they will feel validated and instead of resisting, they will be more inclined to join you.
CONVERSATION
How does your emotional state of mind influence how you respond to your children's misbehavior?
THIS WEEK'S ACTION
Practice recognizing your children's feelings:
Example 1
Action: You see your child kick his sibling
Response: “You are upset right now. Go ahead and take a break in your room and we will talk some more about this after you cool off.”
Example 2
Action: Adolescent rolls his/her eyes at you
Response: “When you rolled your eyes at me, that was hurtful. You don’t care for what I have to say and it is disappointing to me that you don’t value my opinion or our rules.”
Example 3
Action: Child says, “I can’t do this.”
Response: “It can be frustrating for a moment when you feel stuck in a problem, like your homework.”
TOOLS
The following tools can help you along the way.
Go For The Heart - I Can't Do This
Go For The Heart - Rolling Eyes
Go For The Heart - Task Completion
The Struggle is Real podcast is based off the book, The Struggle is Real: Parenting in the 21st Century written by Dr. Alicia La Hoz & Dr. Paul Meier.
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