When It Rains on the Parade
It’s hard to escape the headlines or scroll through social media without catching a glimpse of the very public clash between two of the world’s richest and most powerful men. Commentators have dubbed the blow-up everything from a “break-up” to a “divorce.”
As someone who works in the relationship space, I couldn’t help but view the situation through a relational lens. What stood out were some painfully familiar dynamics that many distressed couples experience:
- Issues get ignored or shelved instead of addressed
- One person is celebrating and another is harboring resentments and fuming on differences
- External pressures expose internal fractures
- Side conversations (or social media spats) fuel tension
- Arguments escalate with historical “archaeological digs”
- A cycle of guilt and shame sets in after harsh words are exchanged
And just like in personal relationships, these moments lead to a critical choice: do we turn toward each other to reconcile, or do we turn away and further deepen the divide?
It all reminded me of another relationship rupture, one found in Scripture.
David was celebrating with abandon, shouting and dancing with all his might as he brought the ark of the Lord into Jerusalem. After years of hardship: fleeing Saul, taking refuge with enemies, enduring countless battles, this was his moment of joyful return, a spiritual and personal triumph.
David, with his whole heart, was having a party for God.
But not everyone shared his joy.
Michal, his wife, looked out the window and saw David leaping and whirling. The Bible tells us, “she despised him in her heart.”
Michal had her own history, one filled with betrayal, loss, and forced choices. She once risked her life for David, only to be given in marriage to another man by her father, Saul. Two decades later, her father is dead, David is king, and she is taken from a husband who may have loved her and returned to a man who is now a stranger.
And so, instead of joining in the celebration, Michal lashes out:
"How glorious was the king of Israel today—shamelessly uncovering himself in front of the servant girls like a vulgar man!”
Her words weren’t just critical; they were cutting. Her timing couldn’t have been worse.
But David didn’t hold back either. He struck back, referencing her father and asserting his divine right to rule:
"It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father… and I will celebrate before the Lord even more undignified than this."
What could have been a moment of reconnection became a duel. They used their words like weapons, and the result was distance, not unity.
And the story ends on a sad note. The Bible tells us that Michal remained childless, and there’s no further record of their relationship. It seems David withdrew from her and never returned to her.
We all have moments when we feel misunderstood or misaligned with the people closest to us. And like David and Michal, we’re faced with a choice: to engage with humility, or to wound with pride.
Even in moments of triumph, unresolved pain has a way of rising to the surface.
Let’s be mindful of the words we speak because sometimes, the real clash isn’t about the moment, but everything that’s been buried underneath.
Many marriages have fallen on hard times just as David’s and Michal’s. It is not a duet but a duel and there is constant cutting and pain. Every issue becomes a duel.
Alas, healing is possible.
Start with a spirit of humility, explore your role, own personal responsibility for your part, leave your ego aside, lean in and seek to make amends, and find common ground.
- Don’t ignore issues, address them as they arise.
- Celebrate each other’s wins, and grieve the losses together.
- Be mindful of each other’s sore spots and emotional triggers.
- Speak directly to the person involved, not to an audience.
- Stay focused on the issue at hand, don’t dredge up the past.
- Choose grace. Choose forgiveness. Every time.
For more tips, read our blog on crucial conversation and click here to check out or online workshop on conflict.