What We Hide When We Say “I’m Fine”

We all say “I’m fine.”  But hidden hurt has a way of leaking into our homes, our marriages, our parenting, and even how we see ourselves.

Years ago, my husband was getting ready to head to the airport. He was joining a few of his teammates on a mission trip and was full of excitement. I was in the kitchen doing the dishes, and as I reached into a glass cup to wash it, it shattered in my hand. The cut was deep, but I didn’t want to interrupt his moment. I quickly said, “Go ahead, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

He left.  And I stayed.  I rinsed the wound, wrapped it in a bandage, and kept moving as if nothing had happened. But that night, the pain wouldn’t let me rest. It throbbed constantly, reminding me something was wrong. Still, I told myself I could handle it. I’d sleep it off.

By the next day, I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I went to the doctor, and sure enough, the glass had touched a nerve. The doctor gently scolded me for not coming in sooner. It took weeks before I felt real relief.

Holding onto emotional pain is a lot like that cut.  We tell ourselves, “I’m fine.”  We cover it up. We keep moving. We ignore the throbbing.  But unhealed wounds don’t disappear, they deepen. And the longer they go untreated, the more damage they do beneath the surface.

Forgiveness, in many ways, is like finally going to the doctor.  It isn’t easy. It stings. It means uncovering what we tried to hide. But it’s also the only way to truly heal.  Because when we hold onto pain, it doesn’t protect us, it delays our healing and sends ripples into everything we touch. We think holding on keeps us safe, but really, it just keeps us stuck.

The “Bodyguards” We Mistake for Strength

There are emotions we often use as shields; anger, fear, and pride. They aren’t villains. At first, they act like bodyguards.

• Anger says, “If I stay mad, I stay safe.” It builds a wall so we don’t have to touch the wound.
   
• Fear whispers, “If I forgive, it will happen again.” It tries to protect us from future harm.
   
• Pride insists, “I’m right to hold this. Letting go means losing power.” It props us up when we feel small.

In my early years, anger became my armor. It helped me survive. But over time, that same anger began to leak into my relationships, my work, and even how I saw myself. Instead of being the one who was wounded, I began wounding others. What once protected me began to imprison me.  That’s one of anger’s hidden lessons, it points to the deeper place that needs healing. Often beneath anger is a broken trust, a violated boundary, or a deep grief we didn’t know how to name.

Sometimes we even spiritualize our defenses. I know I did.  “God knows my heart. Justice is His.” Those words are true, but I used them to avoid my pain.

As C.S. Lewis once wrote,  “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea… until they have something to forgive.”

There is no shame in struggling with these emotions. They’re human. The danger is letting them run the show.  “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:31–32

What Forgiveness Is, and What It Isn’t

Forgiveness isn’t pretending the wound didn’t happen….It’s telling the truth about the harm, and choosing not to carry it as your identity.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean dropping boundaries.. It means dropping bitterness.  You can forgive and still say, “Access to me will look different now.”

Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook…It’s letting your heart off the leash.  It takes the weight of yesterday and turns it into wisdom for today.

Most of all, forgiveness is how we stop protecting the pain and start inviting God to heal it.  “Lord, this hurts… but I trust You to touch what I cannot fix.”

God cannot heal what we keep hiding.

A Gentle Way to Begin

If forgiveness feels overwhelming, you don’t have to rush it. You can begin gently:

• Name the wound beneath the anger.  What was broken, trust, safety, dignity, belonging?
• Notice your bodyguards.  Which one shows up first, anger, fear, or pride?
• Take one release step. Pray honestly. Journal a letter you’ll never send. Tell a safe person the truth.
• Set one boundary. Let healing take root without reopening the wound.

You did not deserve what hurt you. But you do deserve to be free.

Prayer to close:
Jesus, I’m tired of saying “I’m fine” when I’m not. Show me what my anger/fear/pride has been protecting. Give me courage to forgive as You forgave me. Heal what I cannot. Amen.