anxiety

When Doubt Follows Your Decision

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Thu, 09 Oct 2025 20:48:53 +0000

When Doubt Follows Your Decision

anny@familybri… Thu, 10/09/2025 - 15:48

Oct 9, 2025

What has been the hardest decision you’ve had to make recently?

I don’t mean what to wear or what to eat, though even those can trip us up some days. I mean the decisions that feel like they carry the weight of a life in your hands. The kind that, once spoken, you can’t take back. The kind that can change your future, or the future of someone you love.

One night stands out in particular for me. My father had a medical emergency at 2:00 a.m. He was in a critical condition, and as the paramedics prepared to take him, they turned to me with a question: “Do you want us to take him to the nearest hospital or to the hospital you prefer? He needs immediate attention.”

The closest hospital was five minutes away. The one I trusted was twenty. I was half-asleep, adrenaline racing, heart in my throat. In that split second I said, “Take him to the closest.”

A few days later, my father passed away. Even now, I sometimes wonder: would the outcome have been different if I had chosen otherwise?

That night taught me something I’ll never forget: hard decisions rarely come with perfect clarity, and they often leave us questioning ourselves long after the moment has passed. They come fast, in moments of pressure, fear, and urgency. Caregivers know this when you have to decide, Do I push for every possible treatment to extend life, or do I choose hospice to give them peace? Do I quit my job to care for them full-time, or try to balance both and risk burning out? Parents feel it when weighing how much to step in, or step back. Leaders wrestle with it when deciding whether to release a staff member or hold on. Spouses face it in marriages strained to the edge.

Each decision carries weight. Each one is tangled with emotion. Honestly speaking, even not deciding is still a decision. So what do we do with the doubts that haunt us after the choice has been made, or when we’re paralyzed before making it?

For me, I’ve had to cling to three lifelines:

1. Bring it to God

When I felt shaken, uncertain, and afraid of making the wrong choice, I poured it all out before Him, the doubts, the pain, the weight of responsibility. Sometimes that looked like tears in the middle of the night, crying in desperation because the decision felt too heavy. Other times it came out as resentment, frustration that I had to be the one to carry it. The circumstances didn’t always change, but His presence steadied me. And more than that, I felt seen. In the very moments when no one else could understand the weight I was carrying, He did. Psalm 139:23-24 became a prayer on repeat: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

For you, this might look like a few minutes of honest prayer, journaling your raw thoughts to God, or simply whispering His name when words fail. The point isn’t polished words or perfect faith, it’s letting Him meet you right in the mess, allowing His presence to anchor you, and remembering that even in your heaviest decisions, you are fully seen.

2. Search for the root.
The hardest part of decisions hasn’t always been the choice itself, but the thoughts afterward: I should have known better. I chose too quickly. I failed. It’s not only the decision itself that weighs heavy, but the self-doubt that keeps reopening the wound long after the moment has passed. Those words replayed in my head louder than the decision itself. And if I’m honest, they didn’t just come from that one moment, they came from old scars, from painful places in my life where I felt like I had failed before. That’s the thing about decision-making: it rarely stands alone. It brushes up against our history, our insecurities, and the wounds we’d rather not revisit.

Naming those stories was painful because it meant facing the truth of where they were rooted in fear, in self-blame, and in lies I had carried for far too long. But what I learned: healing can’t begin until the truth comes to the surface. For you, it may help to ask: “What story am I telling myself about this decision?” Maybe it’s fear of letting someone down, fear of judgment, or echoes of past wounds you thought you’d buried. Naming it doesn’t erase the pain overnight, and it isn’t easy to see yourself that honestly. But it does loosen the grip those stories have on you. And in that space, grace can finally breathe.

3. Community.
I don’t think I could have made it through some of the toughest, high-stakes decisions without community. Having a few trusted people, friends who offered wisdom and safety without judgment, gave me the strength to keep going. They became a place to process, cry, and wrestle. For you, that might look like a counselor, a pastor, or a close friend. Having someone to walk with you won’t take the weight away, but it will keep you from carrying it alone.

These three practices don’t guarantee an easy path. Sometimes I repeat them again and again as I process, pray, and wrestle toward peace. But one question has stayed with me through it all: Can I trust God no matter the outcome?

And that’s the same question I want to leave with you. Can you trust Him, even here, even now?

God doesn’t call us to perfect decision-making, but He calls us to faithfulness. Our choices, even when flawed, can be redeemed by His grace. The measure of our caregiving, leadership, or parenting isn’t about never failing; it’s about loving deeply, seeking wisdom, and trusting Him with the rest.

Yes, doubts creep back in. They do for me, too. But each time, I return to that question: Can I trust Him despite the outcome? My answer is yes. Because even when my father did not survive, I witnessed God’s love through the people who showed up, His strength carrying me, and His peace covering me.

Peace doesn’t come from always choosing right. Peace comes from knowing God is with us in the uncertainty, redeeming what feels broken, and steadying us when we cannot steady ourselves. Because at the end of the day, decisions can feel like life in your hands, but peace comes when you realize your hands were never the only ones holding it.

Reflection Questions

What is a hard decision you’ve been carrying lately, and what weight does it still hold over you?
What story are you telling yourself about that decision—does it sound like blame, guilt, or fear?
Where can you invite God into that place of doubt, asking Him to search your heart and steady your anxious thoughts?
Can you imagine what it would look like to trust God with the outcome, even if the result isn’t what you hoped for?

by Omaira Gonzalez

Language English

Faith Over Fear: Finding Strength in Setbacks

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Mon, 11 Aug 2025 21:45:15 +0000

Faith Over Fear: Finding Strength in Setbacks

anny@familybri… Mon, 08/11/2025 - 16:45

Aug 11, 2025

Recently, I had the privilege of attending a retreat with 14 remarkable young women and several dedicated coaches. We gathered to pour into their lives, to speak truth, courage, and leadership into their hearts. It was a weekend of legacy, raising up the next generation of women leaders who will shape their homes, communities, and future.

As part of our retreat, we were invited to participate in a high ropes obstacle course. I had never done one before. I’ve faced many challenges in life and stepped into the unknown more times than I can count, but this was new terrain. The kind that doesn’t just test your strength, but your surrender.

We were given three choices: an easy route, a medium one, and the hard course. Most opted for easy. A few chose hard. I landed somewhere in the middle, literally and figuratively, and chose the medium course along with a colleague.

Lesson 1: Faith Over Fear Starts with One Brave Step

The first challenge felt manageable. I was even enjoying myself. But then came the second, third… and by the fourth, everything changed. The height. The sway. The sun blazing down on us. Suddenly the obstacles felt much bigger, and I found myself questioning why I had even said yes.

Fear whispered, “Go back. What were you thinking? You’re too old for this.” But faith nudged me forward. It reminded me that neither age, past experience, nor fear should define my next step.

It made me think of the many moments in life where we are pushed to take a risk, to try something new in our career, start a new ministry, parent a child through a difficult season, or begin again after heartbreak or loss. And it’s in those moments, when everything in us wants to retreat, that faith quietly speaks: keep going.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise in God I trust and am not afraid.” —Psalm 56:3-4

Can you trust Him when life feels unstable? When the job is uncertain? When you’re overwhelmed at home? When your heart is tired? He’s already provided what you need, you just have to keep walking forward to discover it.

Lesson 2: When You Fall, You’re Not Alone

My colleague was ahead of me and courageously pushed through. But just as she was about to finish that fourth challenge, she slipped. Suspended mid-air by nothing but her harness, she hung there, helpless, vulnerable, exposed. The heat was relentless. She spun in slow circles. Time felt frozen.

But help came. The staff moved swiftly and gently pulled her back into position. She was shaken, but safe. And more importantly, she wasn’t alone.

That image stays with me because I’ve lived it, not on a ropes course, but in life. I’ve been the woman hanging midair, disoriented and stuck in circumstances I didn’t expect. Burned out. Heartbroken. Confused. And yet… I was held. God never let me drop.

He is our harness. Even when we fall, He’s already secured our rescue. Sometimes it comes in the form of a friend who calls at the right moment. A scripture that reminds you you’re seen. A stranger’s kindness. A breakthrough you didn’t see coming.

And if you’re feeling like you’ve slipped lately, remember this: you are not falling apart. You are being held.

Lesson 3: Setbacks Can Lead to New Strength

After my colleague’s fall, I was told to exit the course and head back. Alone now, I retraced my steps, and something remarkable happened. The obstacles that once filled me with fear? They didn’t anymore.

Why? Because I had already faced them. I had walked them before. I knew what to expect. And instead of dread, I moved with clarity. Sometimes going back isn’t failure, it’s training.

There are seasons in life when the doors close, plans shift, or we’re told to pause. We call them “setbacks.” But maybe they’re set-ups for strength. That job you didn’t get, the opportunity that didn’t pan out, the project that stalled, each one is preparing you. Giving you experience. Building your endurance.

Time and again, in my own life and in the lives of so many brave, faith-filled women I’ve walked alongside, what felt like failure was actually preparation. I’ve seen God turn setbacks into divine setups. What might this moment be preparing you for? What might He be revealing to you now?

Lesson 4: Trust the Process—There’s Always Another Path Forward

As I stood on the platform looking ahead, I realized this: life is a lot like that obstacle course. Full of unexpected turns, uncertain footing, and moments where you just want to give up.

Even when our steps falter, His presence never does. We are harnessed by God’s grace. Even in the fall, we are held. We are guided. We are never beyond reach. And when we’re repositioned, whether by choice or force, we’re not being rejected. We’re being rerouted.

Maybe your path forward isn’t what you expected. Maybe you’ve had to double back. Maybe you’re still standing on the platform, afraid to move. Trust the process. You are not behind. You are becoming.

So wherever you are in your journey, facing fear, recovering from a fall, or deciding whether to take that next brave step, know this: God’s not just watching. He’s holding. He’s guiding. And He’s not done writing your story.

by Omaira Gonzalez

Language English

Enough for Today

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 03 Jun 2025 19:57:46 +0000

Enough for Today

anny@familybri… Tue, 06/03/2025 - 14:57

Jun 3, 2025

As part of my usual morning routine, I love sitting down with a book before I begin my day. One morning, I picked up my devotional and the very first verse I read was:

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Matthew 6:34

At first, I brushed it off and thought, “I’m not really worried about anything right now. I’m good.”
But I couldn’t shake the verse. It lingered in my thoughts, inviting me to sit with it a little longer.

So I paused and asked myself: Is there something I’m stressed about or trying to solve this morning? This week?

As I reflected, Jesus’ words began to feel deeply relevant. We live in a world full of overplanning, overthinking, and over-carrying. We’re constantly doing, but not always becoming. We call it being “responsible,” but sometimes it’s just worrying in disguise.

I began digging a little deeper and started to notice how subtly worry shows up in our lives, often without us naming it:

Replaying conversations, wondering if we said the wrong thing.
Trying to control outcomes by micromanaging.
Feeling like we have to be productive every minute, as if rest means falling behind.
Worrying silently: Are my kids okay?
Creating backup plans for our backup plans.
Obsessing over finances, health, the unknown...

Sometimes, we cling to worry because it feels like control. We think, “If I can plan it all, manage every detail, stay ten steps ahead, then I won’t have anything to worry about.” But that belief is full of cracks. The truth is, no matter how well we prepare, life will still throw in detours, delays, and disappointments.

The goal isn’t perfect control, it’s learning how to trust, how to bounce back, and how to hold grace for yourself in the process. We’re called to steward what’s in our hands, but not to carry what’s beyond them. And in our stewardship, we must remember: God’s strength meets us not in perfection, but in surrender.

I realized I’ve carried all of these at different seasons. And the more I reflect, the more I see:
We often don’t call it worry, because it feels normal. But it weighs us down. It steals today’s peace by dragging in tomorrow’s fear.

Now let me be clear, Jesus isn’t saying not to plan. He’s not saying “live recklessly” or “don’t be responsible.” He’s saying: Don’t live in tomorrow’s storm while you’re still standing in today’s grace.

He invites us to live with wisdom, not worry or anxiousness. To lean into foresight, not foreboding.

Foresight is using wisdom to think ahead. It’s not obsessing over the future, but being intentional today to prepare for where you’re going. When I feel scattered or anxious, I stop and ask myself:

Is this thought clear?
Does it help me act wisely?
Does it lead to peace and readiness?

If yes, then I’m planning with foresight. But then there’s foreboding, that heavy, anxious feeling that something bad is going to happen, even without real evidence. It sneaks in and makes you brace for the worst.

When that starts to rise up, I ask myself:

Is this thought clouding my thinking?
Is it draining my energy?
Is it paralyzing me instead of preparing me?

Here’s the difference:

Foresight plans.
Foreboding worries.
Foresight prepares.
Foreboding panics.

And as someone who’s known for her checklists and planning (seriously, I love a good to-do list!) I've had to learn: Planning is wise, but not at the cost of peace. We can plan, but we must also trust. We can prepare, but we must also release. And we must learn to say: “This isn’t mine to carry today. God is already in my tomorrow.”

Some things, God calls us to steward. Others, He asks us to surrender. So, next time you feel the stress rising, ask yourself:

What quiet worry have I been carrying like it’s normal?
Where do I need to surrender and invite God into the unknown?

Be reminded of this truth today: Be present. Be faithful. Trust God with tomorrow. Be a good steward of what’s in front of you, and let Him hold what’s ahead. Grace is for this moment, not the one you haven’t lived yet. So let’s take a breath. Let’s lay it down. And let’s live in today’s grace, not tomorrow’s guesswork.

by Omaira Gonzalez

Language English

The Villains in Your Story

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 08 Apr 2025 20:46:14 +0000

The Villains in Your Story

anny@familybri… Tue, 04/08/2025 - 15:46

Apr 8, 2025

Don’t ask me why, but the 1963 Alfred Hitchcock movie The Birds popped into my mind. Now, I’m pretty sure I never actually saw the film, but as a little girl, I remember the posters—vivid images of birds swarming and attacking people in a small town. I can still picture the woman in the poster, running for her life, her face filled with terror. She was being chased, pursued by something relentless, something that wanted to harm her. And I get it—who wouldn’t run if something like that were chasing after you?

But let’s be real, it’s rarely a flock of birds that stirs up fear and worry in our lives. These emotions don’t show up in dramatic forms. No, fear and worry sneak in quietly, creeping into our thoughts until we find ourselves on the run.

It shows up when you sit in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, staring at the clock, your heart racing, waiting for test results. The fear that maybe the news will be bad, that something’s wrong with your health, starts to crawl under your skin. It walks with you as you think about your kids—are you doing enough for them? Are you raising them right? The weight of that worry presses on your chest. Then there’s fear about your finances—what if you lose your job, can’t pay the bills, or lose your house? And what about your marriage, that fragile thread you’ve been holding on to—what if it can’t be patched together anymore? Fear that it’s the end makes your heart heavy. So many ways we experience it. Suddenly, fear and worry aren’t just fleeting thoughts—they become constant companions, walking alongside you.

The Villains
Fear and worry are powerful on their own. Together, they can be destructive. They paralyze you, cloud your judgment, and move you to make decisions driven by their grip. Sure, sometimes fear is warranted, but the kind I’m talking about is the one that keeps you up at night, the one that replays worst-case scenarios over and over in your mind, making you react to things that haven’t even happened yet.

At some point, you may realize—you’re starring in your own horror film. You’re so deep in the narrative, you can’t see your way out.

But here’s the truth we need to hear: God's Word tells us in Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
And in 1 Peter 5:7, we are reminded: “Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.”

This isn’t just advice—it’s a lifeline. Life is tough. We face challenges and realities we can’t escape. But living in a constant state of fear and worry won’t solve anything. It only traps us in our own minds.

Rewriting the Plot
So, when fear and worry begin to overwhelm you, stop. Pause. Take a breath. Here are some action steps to help you shift the narrative.

Pause and Breathe: When fear starts to overwhelm you, stop. Breathe deeply. Allow your shoulders to relax. This simple pause gives you a moment of clarity and control.
Ask Yourself: What Does This Fear Change?: What is this fear really changing in my life? What does it do for me? Be honest. Fear won’t give you answers. It won’t protect you. It only steals your peace and joy. If you can’t find a reasonable answer, name the fear for what it is.
Name Your Fear: Call out the specific fear or worry you're feeling. Whether it’s about your job, your health, or your relationships, naming it helps you take control instead of letting it control you.
Ask: How Are You Reacting to It?: How are you responding to this fear? Are you avoiding it? Freezing in place? Acting on it without considering the consequences? Your response can reveal whether fear is guiding your actions.
Speak the Truth: Speak the truth out loud. What is the actual truth behind the fear? Is the fear based on reality or built on worst-case scenarios? Reaffirm the truth of God's promises and the reality of your situation. Remember, God's peace transcends all understanding.
Choose a Different Response: Finally, choose a different response. Shift your focus away from the fear and look at God. He is beside you, unwavering, even when everything feels chaotic. Let His presence guide you to peace.

God is Peace! He doesn’t promise we’ll be sheltered from life’s storms, but He does promise to be with us in them. In His peace, we can remind ourselves that He is in control.

Let the birds swirl. Let the storm rage. But you—you are not running. You are standing firm, grounded in the peace of God, trusting that He’s got you. You don’t have to fight fear and worry alone. Bring them to Him, and you will receive peace that surpasses all understanding. Peace that guards your heart. Peace that strengthens you to face whatever comes.

And now, here’s the plot twist: This isn’t the end of your story. You get to rewrite it. Change the scene. Give your story a different ending—one filled with hope, strength, and peace. The birds may circle, the storm may howl, but you’ve chosen to stand in the calm, trusting in the One who holds your future. That, my friend, is how you change the narrative. Let His peace be the final word in your story.

by Omaira Gonzalez

Language English

The Things We Choose to Hear

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 04 Mar 2025 15:57:58 +0000

The Things We Choose to Hear

anny@familybri… Tue, 03/04/2025 - 09:57

Mar 4, 2025

My neighbor Marissa once shared a story about her father that has stayed with me ever since.

Her father was hard of hearing, and whenever he went to the doctor, Marissa would ask him, "What did the doctor say?"

His response? "I don’t know, I couldn’t hear anything."

And just like that, he went on with his day, unbothered. He lived another ten years.

At first, it made me laugh—what a way to handle life, right? But the more I sat with his words, the more I realized the quiet wisdom in them.

He couldn’t hear the bad news, so it never had the power to define how he thought, how he lived, or how much time he had left.

It made me wonder: How much of what we "hear" shapes the way we live?

We absorb so much of what others say about us—often without even realizing it. A rejection, a shameful comment, a careless remark—they become louder than the truth. And though we try to silence those voices, they have a way of creeping back in, whispering doubt, feeding fear, clouding our perspective.

Before we know it, we start living not by what is real, but by what we fear.

I’m not saying we should ignore reality, but what if we were more intentional about what we allow to take root in our hearts? What if we filtered out the noise—the assumptions, the negativity, the lies—and instead, chose to amplify what brings life, hope, and purpose?

How different would our lives be if we chose that instead? If we trained our minds and hearts to lean into what is true, instead of what is limiting?

We can’t control the world or the people around us, but we can control what we absorb, believe, and respond to.

We can choose to let negativity fog up our vision, or we can decide to see through the lens of truth, grace, and possibility.

Maybe Marissa’s father was onto something. Maybe, sometimes, not hearing the bad news gives us permission to keep living fully.

What are you choosing to hear today?

#Reflections #MindsetMatters #ChooseWisely #FaithOverFear

by Omaira Gonzalez

Language English

Dealing with Unwanted Guests

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Thu, 04 Apr 2024 22:46:35 +0000

Dealing with Unwanted Guests

anny@familybri… Thu, 04/04/2024 - 17:46

Apr 4, 2024

Have you ever found yourself unexpectedly hosting an unwelcome guest? Perhaps they lingered longer than you anticipated, casting a shadow over your home and your peace of mind. I vividly recall such an encounter, when a guest unexpectedly arrived at my doorstep. Unprepared and lacking the space to accommodate such a visitor, I did my best to entertain them and listen to their tales. However, as time passed, this guest’s presence grew more oppressive, filling my home with negativity and uncertainty about the future.

Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, I confided in a trusted friend, who wisely advised me to show this guest the door. Recognizing the toxic influence it was having on my life, I made the courageous decision to evict this guest, named Doubt, from my home. It was a moment of obedience to the guidance of my friend, Jesus, and it brought a profound shift in my perspective.

By removing Doubt from my life, I opened the door to God's faithfulness and witnessed His provision, miracles and grace in abundance. Letting go of Doubt allowed me to embrace a future filled with hope and confidence in His promises. Sometimes, evicting negative influences is the first step toward creating a space where faith and positivity can flourish.

From time to time, we may find ourselves facing unwelcome guests knocking on the doors of our hearts and minds—guests like Fear, Doubt, Anger, Anxiety, Sadness, Guilt, and others. Their sole aim is to distract us and pull us away from God's truth, leading us towards a hardened heart and further from His presence.

In dealing with these unwanted visitors, I've learned some valuable lessons:

Acknowledge: Instead of ignoring their presence, it's important to acknowledge that these feelings and emotions are there, residing in our hearts and minds, even if they are unwelcome. Recognizing their existence is the first step towards addressing them.
Courage: Reach out to someone you trust and confide in them about what you're experiencing. It may not be easy to discuss such matters, but sharing them with a trusted individual can shed light on our blind spots and provide clarity. Talking things through can help us understand where these emotions are coming from and how to navigate them effectively.
Decide: If these emotions serve no purpose in our lives and only bring negativity, it's crucial to work towards evicting them. Seek out healthy outlets such as mindfulness, journaling, exercise, or drawing closer to God through prayer and meditation. Make a conscious decision to challenge and correct negative thought patterns, replacing them with healthier ones that promote growth and peace.

Identifying and addressing these unwanted guests in our lives is essential for our emotional and spiritual well-being. By taking proactive steps to manage them, we can ensure they no longer have a foothold in our hearts and minds.

Reflection Questions:

Can you identify any recurring unwanted guests in your life, such as fear, doubt, or guilt? How do they manifest, and how do you plan to ensure they no longer have a foothold in your heart and mind?
Reflect on a moment when you confided in a trusted friend about a challenging situation. How did their advice or support help you navigate the issue?

by Omaira Gonzalez

faith

anxiety

emotions

Language English

Dealing with anxiety in moments of panic

Sara — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 17:22:15 +0000

Dealing with anxiety in moments of panic

Sara Fri, 08/14/2020 - 12:22

Jun 5, 2020

We’ve all experienced moments of anxiety – from the nagging question “did I leave the oven on?” to fears over whether we’ve studied enough to pass a test or concerns about how that contract negotiation is going to go. We know the changes we experience – sweaty palms, shallower breathing, feeling jittery or nervous, thoughts racing, feeling like our minds are “stuck in a rut” and just won’t let go of whatever it is we’re anxious about.

Many of us, through personal experience or good education, have found ways to deal with these symptoms, to recognize anxiety as it is coming on and consciously act to reduce its impact, through techniques like deep breathing, muscular relaxation, creative visualization, or many others.

But what about panic? Most of us have experienced panic as well. It’s like anxiety, but kick it up to eleven. It’s coming home at 9 p.m. and realizing your four-year-old child isn’t in the house. It’s getting the news that a family member has been in a violent car crash. It’s hearing that you have cancer. It’s that feeling like the floor – no, the world itself – has dropped out from under you, you’re in free fall with no idea when or if you’ll ever touch down and feel stable again. Surely this calls for more than just “taking a deep breath,” right?

Yes… and no. It’s important to realize that panic is a natural, normal, and effective phenomenon. It is our bodies and minds working together in a beautiful sympathy to mobilize all our available resources to survive a perceived life or death threat. It’s not much fun to experience, but it has a definite purpose, and it does it well. And when the threat is, say, escaping a rabid wolf, it gives you a much better chance of survival.

In our examples above, if you come home and your child is missing, it’s going to drive you to go out and holler at the top of your lungs and check all around the house for any place they may have wandered – and that’s precisely what you should do, at least at first. But a car accident? A cancer diagnosis?

Panic is not particularly well-suited to inspiring or enabling us to survive an already-passed crisis or a diffuse threat. In the case of the accident, we might speed all the way to the hospital, running every red light – but that doesn’t change what happened, it only increases our risk of not surviving ourselves. With a cancer diagnosis, we may have no idea what to do. So we let the panic come out sideways, living dangerously or irresponsibly, trying to escape or deny the reality.

What steps can you take when panic comes knocking?

1. Force yourself to pause

Yes, it is forcing – you’ll just want to react and won’t have time to stop or think; those things will only get in the way of doing something!. You need to determine if there is an action you can take that can potentially make a difference.
Looking for a missing child? Yes! Go do it. Racing to the hospital? Nope. Your brain won’t particularly care if the action is likely to work – you just need to do. But if you can recognize that an action won’t help – and may make the situation worse – you have taken the first step to manage panic. That first step is recognizing that the panic is only making things worse.

2. Identify actions that may help

You will be fighting your instinct this whole time. This is where taking a deep breath can help – and you can literally just take a deep breath (or three, or five), mentally counting down five to one with each. Some people find it is helpful to give themselves a pressure release valve – “I’m going to give myself 10 seconds just to be panicked, then I’m reining this in.”
Make yourself think of at least three different courses of action you could take and compare them all to each other. Decide which has the best likelihood of making a positive impact and do that one first. You may come back and do all three, and think of even more, but taking the time first to raise three options and then weigh among them re-engages the analytical, logical parts of your brain that panic shuts down. This helps move you out of panic and back into a more balanced state.

3. Act

You’re panicking in the first place because you perceive a serious threat – so you need to take an action to try to change the situation. That action may be active – looking for a missing child – or it may be passive – wait for more information about my diagnosis and study the literature to become better informed about what to expect and how to manage. It may be just to hit your knees and allow that the situation is out of your control and put your trust in a higher power.

As all-consuming as panic is at the moment, it is not sustainable. It will pass. But taking a moment to reassess and act consciously instead of reacting from your gut can help put you in a better place to continue managing and responding to developments after the panic has faded. And addressing it well once makes it that much easier to do again when the situation feels like it’s spiraling out of control all over again – as they often do. It’s normal to panic more than once over the same problem – but it’s also normal to get better and better at responding as each success builds on the last. Don’t give up hope, and don’t dwell on that feeling that “things will never be okay again.” It’s hard to endure panic – but harder still when it leads to despair. Remember to force yourself to pause, identify actions that may help, and act.

As always, thanks for reading; stay safe and stay connected.

——

For more tips on relationships, follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges

by James Hommowun, Psy.D.

anxiety

mental health

COVID-19

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How to manage anxiety with the COVID-19 crisis

savannah — Mon, 06 Apr 2020 23:17:56 +0000

How to manage anxiety with the COVID-19 crisis

savannah Mon, 04/06/2020 - 18:17

Apr 6, 2020

If there's ever been a time to take good care of yourself, it is now. Your health is a top priority. It's normal to feel stressed and anxious with the COVID-19 crisis ramping up. Nobody knows when things will go back to normal or when we will feel safe again. Stay focused on today and forgive yourself. We are all in this together.

Name that emotion

With everything happening, you may feel kind of sick inside. If you’re having trouble naming what you’re feeling, some of these descriptions may fit.

Anticipatory grief

Feel sad every time you look at the calendar? You are feeling anticipatory grief. This sadness comes over you as you realize you’ll lose something soon. Schools are closed and sporting events are canceled around the world. You feel sorrow about things you can’t do anymore.

Survivor guilt

The news is full of scary stories and alarming images of sick and dying people. If you have not personally been affected by the virus yet, you might feel a little guilty. Being bored and inconvenienced is nothing like fearing for your safety. You may be thankful for your health and safety, but it may not feel that comforting.

Empathy overload

Watching the news is tough these days. Hearing about overloaded ERs and worried doctors can feel emotionally heavy. It's hard to watch people suffer when you can't do anything about it. The most important thing you can do looks a lot like doing nothing. This paradox is tough to accept.

How to manage your anxiety

Whatever you are feeling right now is OK. Worried, scared, bored, entertained, frustrated, confused, safe, relieved, restless, sad, shaken, determined: these feelings and more are normal. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is probably based on anxiety right now. Try some of these tips now to relieve symptoms of stress and worry.

Get exercise outside if you can

The great thing about exercise is that you can do it almost anywhere. If the weather is nice and you have space, go outside. It’s amazing for you if you can do it safely. A walk in the fresh air will do wonders for your heart. Your natural endorphins will pump through your body and boost your mood. The increased oxygen will turn your brain on. If you're stuck indoors, get outside, lift some weights, a yoga mat, an exercise ball, or whatever you can manage. Move around until you are breathing hard and feeling sweaty. This helps your body learn how to relax and is a great distraction.

Put the news into perspective

Most of the news from yesterday is terrible. A lot of the news later on today will probably also be terrible. There are some positive stories of communities coming together and protecting people. Sadly, those stories are a little harder to find. There's no good way to sugarcoat the current situation. But you can stay informed without drinking from a fire hose. Check the news much less frequently than you normally do. If social media helps you feel connected, unfollow or mute any person or organization sharing lots of COVID-19 updates. Keep your channels positive and uplifting.

Keep a positive outlook

Looking at the news can wreck even the most optimistic among us. It's tough out there, and there's no way to know when things will improve. Still, you are 100% in control of your attitude. Things may look uncertain and dangerous, but you can still bring positivity to the day. The secret is to focus on the present moment. You can make your children smile right now. You can appreciate what your spouse does at home for work. You can talk to an isolated friend or older family member. Make a difference this moment and you can keep a more positive outlook every day.

Get some sleep

This is tough. The entire COVID-19 crisis is a scary and strange situation. It doesn't even feel like reality. So getting regular quality restful sleep can be a reach some nights. Do the best you can. Keep your normal bed times. Your family’s work/school schedule will get wacky and you won't remember what day it is.

Do comforting things before bed.

Turn off social media or the news way before going to bed.
Take a warm bath after supper.
Breathe in slowly for 4 counts and breathe out for 4, doing that several times.
Read that novel you didn't finish on your last vacation.

And if you can't sleep, don't beat yourself up. There are millions of people with the same problem right now. You will get tired and fall asleep. Take a nap if you can. Otherwise, pour the coffee, get your day going, and try again the next night.

Eat healthy food

Every snack in the house is around the corner from your makeshift office. Resist the temptation to eat your feelings away. Yes, you can have snacks and treats. But make sure you use those precious grocery runs to buy some healthy foods. Eating a balanced diet will help your emotions stay balanced throughout the day. Also, try to stick to regular meals. No one will judge your chocolate snack at 9:30 in the morning, but make sure you aren't skipping meals.

Stay social

Don't let social distancing keep you from your loved ones. When you feel anxious, your support network is more important than ever.

Video chat: If your loved ones are tech-savvy, do a video chat. You can't hug them through Skype, but it's the next best thing these days.

Texting: A quick "how are you?" text is an easy way to reach out. Everyone's a little on edge, so a quick personal message is much appreciated.

Phone call: An old-fashioned phone is quick, easy, and everybody you know has a phone. You can visit with anyone from your 5-year-old niece to your 90-year-old great aunt.

Write a letter: Go old-school and practice your cursive with a handwritten letter. Combine communication and a creative outlet all in one shot.

See the opportunity

You're likely stuck at home for who-knows-how-long. Everything can feel a little overwhelming. Use this opportunity to look for fun and creative distractions right under your nose.

Look for little projects and home adventures you've never had time for.
Feel the satisfaction of cleaning out a disorganized bathroom cabinet.
Do the 1000 word puzzle you got for Christmas.
Find old family videos and re-watch them.
Become a master of Monopoly.
Pick up an old hobby you haven't done in a long time.

Who knows, one of these activities may bring the joy you hadn't expected to find.

How do you manage anxiety?

You have some tried-and-true ways of picking yourself up when things look down. Tell us, what do you do to pick up your spirits? How do you calm yourself when the world around you feels crazy? ------ For more tips on relationships, follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges

by Erika Krull

COVID-19

mental health

anxiety

Language English