character

You’re Not a Cow. You’re a Buffalo.

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Mon, 17 Mar 2025 13:12:30 +0000

You’re Not a Cow. You’re a Buffalo.

anny@familybri… Mon, 03/17/2025 - 08:12

Mar 17, 2025

I’m sitting across from a friend I haven’t seen in a while. You know how those first few minutes go—rapid-fire updates, quick laughs, filling in the gaps of time lost. But then, her tone shifts.

She begins to share a story I never knew about her. And as she speaks, I find myself leaning in, eyes widening, trying to wrap my head around the sheer magnitude of what she’s been through.

I watch as her eyes flicker between past pain and present strength. Her voice, steady yet laced with the weight of what she has endured, makes me hold my breath. This isn’t just a story—it’s survival. It’s victory. It’s proof that some storms don’t break you; they make you unshakable.

On the outside, she’s the picture of confidence—poised, strong, seemingly unshaken. But that strength wasn’t handed to her; it was earned. Behind that resilience is a journey—one paved with loss, patience, grief, and battles that shook her to her core.

When we parted ways, one thought hit me like a bolt of lightning:
"My goodness, women are made of some tough stuff."

And that thought hasn’t left me since.

They Kept Moving Forward

Over the past few months, I’ve had conversations with so many women—each sharing stories of grief, discouragement, and trials that would leave most people curled up in the fetal position, calling it quits. But you know what they all had in common?

They kept moving forward.
They fought on.
They survived.
They trusted God.

But survival wasn’t just about making it through. It was about fighting for joy, for peace, for the next step. They trusted God when the path seemed impossible, when the answers didn’t come, when faith was the only thing left to cling to.

And somehow, He made a way.

The Buffalo Mentality

One friend told me something her mother once said: "You are like a buffalo."

At first, she laughed, wondering if this was her mother’s loving way of calling her stubborn. But then she explained:

"Buffalos see a storm coming, and they don’t run. They stand firm and walk straight through it. Cows, on the other hand, take one look at the storm and run in the opposite direction—only to get caught in it anyway."

And she was right.

Every woman I’ve spoken to—despite the emotional rollercoaster, the heartbreak, the impossible situations—walked through the storm. They didn’t crumble. They didn’t surrender. They faced it head-on and kept going.

It wasn’t easy. Many times, they felt discouraged. But they didn’t let the storm define them. They moved forward anyway.

God’s Promise in the Wilderness

But how do you keep walking when everything inside of you wants to give up? When the road ahead looks barren, and you wonder if there’s even a way forward?

God answers that question in Isaiah 43:18-19:

"Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and paths in the wasteland."

This passage is a reminder that even in the wilderness—even when everything feels lost—God is still working, moving, making a way forward.

These women, despite the wilderness and the sorrowful moments, stayed steadfast and found new possibilities.

Women Are Built Different

Women are built with an unshakable resilience—an endurance that defies logic.

Life throws the unthinkable at them, moments so extreme they should have shattered. But instead?

They rise.
They find strength in God.
They find strength in their community.
They find strength in a hug, a conversation, in the quiet whispers of encouragement from the ones who love them.

And they don’t just survive. They conquer.

Buffalos Don’t Break

So when life rages like a storm, and the wind howls at your door, don’t shrink back. Stand tall. Move forward. Face it.

Because you? You were made for this.

You are not fragile.
You are not alone
You are not easily shaken.
You are tough as a buffalo.

And buffalos? They don’t break.

by Omaira Gonzalez

Language English

Perfectionism: Good Enough Really is Good Enough

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 21:13:38 +0000

Perfectionism: Good Enough Really is Good Enough

anny@familybri… Tue, 10/15/2024 - 16:13

Oct 15, 2024

I’ll never forget the sinking feeling I had when I saw the expressions on the faces of volunteers after I started redoing a project they had spent hours working on. My intentions were good—I thought I was helping, trying to demonstrate how I wanted things done—but in reality, I deflated their motivation. My obsession with making everything flawless took over, and in the process, I ended up hurting the team.

That experience taught me a hard lesson: perfectionism, while it can push us to do better, can also tear down the morale of others when it’s driven by the wrong motives. I was so fixated on getting everything "right" that I failed to see the value in the work others were contributing. It made me realize that true leadership isn't about achieving perfection—it’s about fostering a space where people can grow and improve through the process.

Being a perfectionist can be exhausting. I had to get comfortable with looking inward and understanding how my own perfectionism was hurting others instead of helping. It wasn’t just about fixing mistakes but recognizing that my constant pursuit of perfection created a sense of dissatisfaction, even when we were successful.

As perfectionists, we tend to be goal-oriented, action-driven, and set high standards for ourselves and others. But I’ve learned that recalibrating those expectations—allowing room for mistakes, creativity, autonomy, and grace—is essential for personal growth and for building a healthy, productive team.

Here are a few lessons I’ve learned along the way:

GRACE: Learn to extend grace to yourself and to your team. Mistakes are inevitable, but they’re also opportunities to grow. We can’t control every outcome, and that’s okay. Focus on doing your best, but understand that unexpected challenges will come, and that’s part of the journey.

CREATIVITY: Encourage creativity, both individually and as a team. Whether it’s through team-building activities, brainstorming sessions, or even picking up a creative hobby, making room for creativity invites new perspectives and ideas. It can refresh your mind and allow for more innovative solutions.

MAKE ROOM: Planning is important, but at some point, you need to give yourself permission to stop planning and make a decision. Set a deadline, trust your instincts, and move forward. Good enough really is good enough. By letting go of the need for things to be perfect, you make room for new opportunities and possibilities you might have missed otherwise.

Perfectionism doesn’t have to be a burden. With self-reflection, you can learn to manage it in a way that fuels growth rather than stifles it. Let’s embrace the process, the imperfections, and the possibilities that come with trusting ourselves and our teams to do their best.

Reflection Questions:

Reflect on a time when your desire for perfection may have unintentionally affected the motivation or morale of others. How has your pursuit of perfection impacted your relationships with colleagues or team members?
What changes could you make to foster an environment where new ideas and perspectives are encouraged without the pressure for them to be perfect?
What practical steps can you take to recognize that good enough can still lead to success and opportunities for growth?

by Omaira Gonzalez

Language English

Finding Strength in Waiting: Embracing Patience as a Path to Hope

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 13 Feb 2024 18:40:36 +0000

Finding Strength in Waiting: Embracing Patience as a Path to Hope

anny@familybri… Tue, 02/13/2024 - 12:40

Feb 13, 2024

A year ago, I moved into my new home, and one of the perks was snow removal. Naturally, I was delighted not to have to deal with plowing snow anymore. However, during the first snowfall, my husband was away for the weekend. Looking out the window, I noticed snow accumulating on the ground. Feeling antsy and wondering why the plowing company hadn't arrived yet, or if they forgot about my house I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Putting on my heavy-duty coat, grabbing gloves and a shovel, I ventured outside. Despite slipping and sliding, I managed to clear all the snow from my driveway and sidewalk. Cold, with wet feet, and tired, I returned indoors and sat in my chair. Suddenly, I heard the machines and scraping of the snowplow truck going up and down our street, followed by a team of men cleaning up sidewalks and driveways. I felt frustrated with myself because if I had only waited a bit longer, I wouldn't have had to go through the trouble of plowing the snow and experiencing the fatigue. Rather than exercising a bit more patience to enjoy the benefits of the snow removal services included in my home purchase, my impatience compelled me to unnecessarily take matters into my own hands.

Reflecting on that moment brought to mind a passage from God's word:

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

(Isa. 40:31)

Had I exercised patience, I could have avoided the fatigue and aches that accompanied shoveling the snow myself instead of simply waiting.

While my story serves as a reflection, in life, it echoes a common experience where impatience arises when faced with challenging situations or what feels like unanswered prayers. Impatience tends to evoke feelings of desperation, fear, and anxiety prompting us to take matters into our own hands in an attempt to solve the problem. However, He reminds us that those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, indicating that waiting is part of the process. Furthermore, there is an assurance of benefits that come from waiting: renewed strength, the ability to walk without weariness, and the resilience to walk without fainting. Despite the storms that may rage, creating a sense of chaos in life, the promise (benefit) is that He will come and plow through, clearing the road and giving us rest. In the waiting period, there is the assurance of hope piercing through the dark and gloomy clouds. It is a call to sit still, understanding that, amid the wait, there is certainty that He has not forgotten about us or what He has promised us.

Has there been a time in your life when impatience influenced you to take matters into your own hands?
What physical and emotional challenges did you face as a result of taking matters into your own hands?
Reflecting on the biblical passage, how can patience and waiting upon the Lord contribute to renewed strength and resilience as you face life's challenges?

by Omaira Gonzalez

faith

stress

character

Language English

Unveiling the Heart: What I Learned About Love From Pumpkins

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 22:58:31 +0000

Unveiling the Heart: What I Learned About Love From Pumpkins

anny@familybri… Fri, 10/13/2023 - 17:58

Oct 13, 2023

When my son first mentioned wanting to grow pumpkins, I had visions of rampant vines overrunning our yard. As a solution, we introduced trellises, hoping the pumpkins would be trained to wrap around them. Over the next months, I observed my son carefully tend to the pumpkins in starter beds, nourishing the soil and joyfully pointing out the first blooms. However, seeing a pumpkin hanging precariously stirred my concerns about its potential fall from its increasing weight. To address this, we fashioned several supports for the pumpkin. I still remember the radiant pride on my son's face as he beheld his fully grown pumpkin.

This memory returned to me while reading 1 Corinthians 13. Paul's sojourn in Corinth during his second missionary journey is well chronicled. This bustling port city, predominantly pagan, welcomed Paul for a year and a half as he shared the Gospel. While he began preaching at the synagogue, opposition led him to pivot to the Gentiles. Chapter 13, renowned as the "Love Chapter," builds upon Chapter 12's discussion of spiritual gifts. Paul provides both perspective and context amidst the church's emerging corruption.

In English, "love" is a multifaceted term, equally applicable to our fondness for chocolate or our deep bond with a friend. However, the Greeks had four nuanced words for love. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul refers to "agape" love, distinct from "eros" (romantic love) and "philia" (brotherly love). Found 106 times in the New Testament, including the pivotal John 3:16, "agape" represents God's sacrificial love that prompted Him to send His only son for mankind's redemption. It symbolizes a selfless, binding, and restorative love that is rooted in choice and expects no reciprocation.

Admittedly, this form of love is not instinctive for humans.

Upon revisiting 1 Corinthians 13, before delving into what love isn't, I pondered the initial qualities Paul attributes to love in verse 4: "Love is patient; love is kind."

Patience, or "long-suffering" in some translations, is the first descriptor for love.

Ever found joy in demonstrating restraint and resilience?

Everyone encounters their share of vexations with individuals or situations. Such aggravations can spiral into harmful reactions, even in intimate relationships. For instance, a spouse might get annoyed by the manner in which chores are done and opt to take over, or resent the other's pace in fulfilling household tasks.

If unchecked, this frustration can intensify into resentment, eventually degenerating into loathing or disdain. These sentiments might be rooted in deep-seated issues, past traumas, or accumulated conflicts. In extreme cases, they manifest as mental health challenges.

Yet, an alternative response exists—one marked by humility, forgiveness, and gratitude. Tragically, this doesn't come naturally to us either.

Considering Paul's assertive demeanor and achievements, I believe he understood this. Characterized as proactive, ambitious, and self-assured, he was a man of action. Such personalities often grapple with patience. An examination of Paul's life and works reveals his own lessons in endurance.

In over two decades of clinical sessions, workshops, and leadership engagements, I've recognized the importance of safeguarding one's heart against contempt. Managing the anxiety that sparks impulsive interference, unwarranted distress, and bitterness can avert much unnecessary turmoil.

We often intervene in others' responsibilities out of impatience. Yet, the subsequent resentment is misdirected at those we've supplanted. This cycle repeats with our children, colleagues, and others.

Truth be told, our patience often falters.

But Paul adds a caveat—it's not just about waiting but waiting with kindness. Mere endurance without kindness can breed negativity. True patience encompasses benevolence.

However, consistent kindness amidst adversity is challenging, especially if we're predisposed to negativity due to personal pain or external influences.

Yet, envision the transformation in our relationships if patience was complemented by kindness. This quality is intrinsic to God's nature. By drawing nearer to Him, we can begin to fathom genuine love. Only through His guidance can we truly exhibit and experience "agape" love. Our thoughts and reactions, as mentioned in 2 Corinthians 10:5, must align with His teachings.

Our response during trials is crucial.

By surrendering negative thoughts during adversities, we cultivate kindness.

This year, the pumpkins flourished once more, gracefully draping over the trellises. Interestingly, we didn't require any special supports. The pumpkins, along with their vines, matured in perfect harmony, capable of bearing their weight. Similarly, we too have innate resilience. Recognizing our role is vital—just as we aided the pumpkins' growth, we must also nurture our relationships. Setting boundaries and then stepping back allows for genuine growth.

The joy of witnessing the fruits of patience and kindness is unparalleled.

What insights have you gleaned from navigating the challenges of endurance?

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

Language English

The Climb is Harder Than the Descent

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 09 May 2023 21:52:00 +0000

The Climb is Harder Than the Descent

anny@familybri… Tue, 05/09/2023 - 16:52

May 9, 2023

Recently my husband and I went to Dubai. As part of our custom of visiting other countries, we began to explore some of their famous landmarks. We experienced the culture, the food, and the architectural designs. For one of our adventures, we booked an excursion to spend part of our day in the desert. It was steeped in excitement and thrill as we rode buggies and dashed around, sliding and gliding through the dunes. It often felt like the driver was going to lose total control as he would spin the wheel…lots of fun! The desert safari would not be complete without a camel ride and ending the day with food, entertainment, tea, coffee, and other activities. However, I want to draw your attention to sand surfing. This particular activity was part of the adventure. You are given a board and the tour guide gives you about a minute of instruction about descending the dunes. First, he waxes the board, then instructs guests to place their feet on the board, bend their knees slightly, and enjoy the ride. That's it. I volunteered to record and capture the adventure.

My husband volunteered to participate in sand surfing. He stood atop the dune, listened to the instructions, and descended, falling off his board mid-way. However, I observed that the climb up was harder than the ride down. The dunes can be very steep, loose, and powdery. It makes it very challenging to keep your balance. My husband made several attempts and each time would wipe out and get covered with sand from head to toe. It was uncomfortable and irritating as it would get in his eyes, despite wearing sunglasses and covering his face. The other challenge is that it’s hot in the desert, making it even more difficult. Then comes the climb up. He struggled as he attempted to climb up the dune, digging his feet in the sand and then sliding back down a few steps over and over. Once he finally reached the top of the dune, he was fatigued, out of breath, and tired from using all his strength. However, once he caught his breath, he would return to that board and repeat the process. Each time yielding the same result; the climb was harder than the descent.

While I may have opted out of the excitement of sand surfing, I too have experienced the descents and challenging climbs of life. One night I received a call from my father in tears, sharing that my mother’s condition was worsening. I could hear in his voice that he was struggling to climb back to the top…he was stuck at the bottom of the dunes. I immediately booked a flight with my husband and brother to bring my parents back home to find treatment for my mother's condition. Sounds easy enough.

However, there were a few descents along the way. The first descent was when our connecting flight to Florida was canceled due to the flooded airport in Ft. Lauderdale. It was 11:30 pm in Tennessee, and many desperate people were trying to find another way out. The agents kept calm as they listened to each complaint and frustration and tried to assist them as best they could. Then after finally reaching the counter, the only option we had was to fly into Tampa, arriving at 2:30 am, and then rent a car and drive another 3.5 hours to our destination. It was a hard climb back up. Tired and exhausted, we drove until we finally reached my parents’ home at 6 am and slept for two hours. We had two days to wrap things up before heading back home. We were able to board the plane and travel back safely. Finally, we were home and received by the family with so much love and willingness to pitch in and help. A few days later, we got another call…”I am so sorry, but I just tested positive for COVID.” Whaaaaat?! Everyone in my house, except for my husband, had COVID. This was another setback.

Lately, I’ve come across so much opposition that I’ve often been left feeling overwhelmed and wondering why I have been dealing with so much. It wasn’t until I listened to the author of “Throw the first punch,” Beth Guckenberger, in one of our book club meetings, talk about how God grows our capacity, which grows our faith and strengthens our leadership that I began to understand. He expands our capacity to lead better and to trust in Him more, preparing us for growth within our ministries, businesses, and projects.

Yikes! It dawned on me that for the longest time, I’ve been praying for God to enlarge my territory. Of course, for that to happen, He had to expand my capacity by stretching and challenging me through some tough situations. However, these challenges would increase my resilience, joy, faith, endurance, strength, and courage.

So here are a few lessons I have learned through my season of expansion:

Don’t Resist: Oftentimes, we try to resist the hard stuff. However, if we are able to keep pressing forward, stay on course, and fight through the resistance, we eventually find joy and a sense of accomplishment. In this process, we learn more about ourselves and how to steer the ship and accept the responsibility. We learn how to respond to the ups and downs as they keep coming along. It gets us out of that place of complacency and sharpens our skills and gifts, preparing us for God's expansion.
Fight the Doubt: When faced with life challenges or setbacks, we question whether we are doing the right thing. We doubt our decisions and question our capacity. Don’t let the enemy shrink you and limit your capacity by steering you away from the vision. Your story is still being told. Giving in to doubt weakens and spiritually bruises us. The challenges or setbacks are opportunities to build an immense strength of character in us. It prepares you for future success. It is necessary to increase your fortitude and determination. Don't give up when things get tough; change the script in your head, and despite the odds, you will stand up and bounce back.
Stay encouraged: Finding encouragement in the midst of trauma, challenges, and setbacks can be very difficult to do. I am the most frustrated when I come up against something I can't control. But there are some areas or circumstances in our lives where we have to surrender and trust Him in that space. Although He is moving in ways we might not understand, He is putting together the pieces and will show his faithfulness as we continue to lean into Him.

So, what have you been praying for lately? Expansion or an increase in capacity? Make room for the expansion you will experience. The climb may feel harder than the descent, but don’t run away or avoid the challenges. Stand up and face them while trusting the process. Your capacity is being expanded despite what you face today.

by Omaira Gonzalez

stress

character

faith

Language English

Attitude: It Can Make a World of Difference

Sara — Fri, 26 Apr 2019 06:30:11 +0000

Attitude: It Can Make a World of Difference

Sara Fri, 04/26/2019 - 01:30

Apr 26, 2019

Have you ever had a day like the young boy had in the book by Judith Viorst Alexander, The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Alexander’s day was not going well so his attitude started losing altitude early that morning: “I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

Our attitudes can be compared to a microphone hooked up to a sound system that announces to the world the state of our soul. If deep within, we fear failure, dread discouragement and criticism, are poorly prepared to handle problems, and have no control over our thought patterns, our attitude is the megaphone that will announce it to the world. Often times we have little to no awareness of how we are reacting so our bad attitudes continue. It is not until we become aware of our attitudes that we understand that the ‘sound system’ is on and everyone can hear what’s deep within us. Think about it, who would like a loud microphone constantly announcing everyone’s inner thoughts for the world to hear? If all we hear is shrills, screams, and flat notes, I think we will get annoyed. Becoming aware of our attitude allows us to mute the ‘speakers’ so we can adopt a different view that can transform our thoughts, which in turn will improve our unfavorable reactions or ‘sounds’ to much more pleasant ones.

Some negative attitudes are helpful. It is appropriate to make those irritating noises for the whole world to hear once in a while. Since it is impossible to choose to have a good attitude every hour of every day, this allowance for the occasional bad attitude ends up being a good tool that can be stored and used when needed. An example of this would be when you find yourself rolling your eyes at a smoker and in so doing you make him feel compelled to stop his destructive behavior around you and your loved ones. In this case, having a bad attitude towards smoke and cigarettes is good for your health and your children’s lungs. But like I said, this type of bad attitude must be used sparingly.

Many of us had parents who instilled in us the right attitudes during our formative years. Yet we are surprised to see that even though we were once positive and perseverant, now we are negative and isolated. During the course of our lives we discovered that in order to belong we had to adapt. One of the most common ways to adapt to our new negative environment is emulating our peer’s attitudes; in other words, we learned how to be negative in order to fit in. But as we grow up emotionally, we come to realize that it might be time to unlearn those attitudes and relearn new ways to react to the world; or make the sounds that come from deep within us much more ‘melodious’.

Every morning when the sun rises, is a new opportunity to start fresh with a new attitude. Since attitude is something that I struggle with daily, adjusting my attitude every day is something I count as a privilege. As a parent, I can show my children every day that the past doesn’t have absolute control on my attitude; I am not held hostage to the failures of yesterday. Today I can come to understand anew that I don’t have to be so hard on myself or others because no one is perfect; that “attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference”. I can show them how to be brave as I daily learn to change my attitude one flat note at a time. So when the microphone is turned on, people don’t hear the sounds of a defeated, pathetic attitude but the pleasant sounds of a good attitude even when I’m having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

by Eva Fleming

attitude

character

Language English

What makes a Good Friend?

Sara — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 15:19:29 +0000

What makes a Good Friend?Sara Sun, 07/01/2018 - 10:19

Jul 1, 2018

Contributed by Analiese Fernandez

On the days that hang low in the valley and the ones that soar at the mountain peak, we tend to lean deep into our friendships for support. One of the areas in my life that I continuously work to invest in is the area of friendships. As a millennial, I find that as I get older, it's harder to establish lasting friendships. When you do have one, you realize it’s a valuable, rare treasure and you do what you can to nurture it. Does anyone else agree? [caption id="attachment_8462" align="aligncenter" width="660"] Three best friends hugging each other in the city.[/caption] I have always strived to keep my circle of friends small and intimate. I don’t desire to call a plethora of people my friends, but preferably two or three like-minded individuals who want to run this journey of life with me. I recently moved to Arizona from Florida with my husband. As newlyweds, we uprooted our lives and all that we know to begin a new chapter across the country. I left my job behind, we both left our families, our homes, and the safety of our comfort blanket. We also left behind our cherished friendships. The ones that have withstood the test of time and have walked with us through some pivotal seasons of our lives. How blessed my husband and I are to have friendships so wonderful to miss. We know our friendships back home will always have a special place in our hearts; however, my husband and I know it is important to connect with community. With that being said, in a completely new city as millennials, we question where to even begin. It feels like starting over. What exactly makes a good friend? When I ask myself that question, I immediately think of my closest friend, Sara, who has been there for me through some of my recent young adulthood years. We supported one another in our season of singleness; ensuring that we didn’t get discouraged. We were each other’s voice of reason when the rest of the world would try to sway us off track. We would remind each other of our worth and that in the waiting, we had our friendship to cultivate and watch grow. Shortly after, we both met the men who would later become our future husbands. When it was my time to get married, I saw Sara’s friendship on a whole new level. A level of sacrifice and love that I will forever cherish. When I was engaged, Sara had already become a wonderful wife and a new mother. In the midst of a major transition in Sara’s own life, she never once hesitated to make herself available for every detail of my wedding planning (despite living an hour away from me). When I reflect back on wedding planning, I think of Sara who willingly and joyfully sacrificed to see my special day come to fruition. So when I think of the qualities of a good friend, I remember that I have to surround myself with like-minded people. How I would define that would be by surrounding yourself with people who are running by your side in life. People who share common values, qualities, interests, and passions. Those who won’t hold you back from all that God is calling you to be but will help propel you forward. A good friend is someone who is loyal and supportive but will also be able to give you tough love when you need it if it means it’s going to help better you as an individual. As the Proverb says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Perhaps consider tough love to be an opportunity to be sharpened and be sure to reciprocate it for your friend who might need it one day too. Also, being capable of expressing empathy and being an active listener are essential qualities in a good friendship. All in all, the thought I keep coming back to is striving for life-giving and intentional friendships. Ones that leave you feeling rejuvenated and encouraged at the end of a conversation. A friendship where you and that person truly understand each other’s sense of humor and find yourselves laughing often. As millennials, we learn first-hand about “adulting” and the challenges it can bring at times, so laughter is essential and liberating. Strive for intentionality where both you and that other person make the same effort to cultivate your friendship. When I think of “cultivate,” I think of gardening; making preparations and caring for crops to one day reap a harvest. When we apply this mentality to our friendships, taking care of them and being intentional, we can one day hope to see the fruit of lasting, life-giving friendships. What other characteristics do you think would make a good friend? Comment below. For more tips on life and relationships, follow us on social media @familybridges.

friendship

kindness

character

Language English

A Groom's Journey to the Altar

Sara — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 08:00:36 +0000

A Groom's Journey to the AltarSara Wed, 02/01/2017 - 02:00

Feb 1, 2017

Contributed by Eddie Morales

They say that when girls are little they dream about their wedding as one of the biggest days of their life. Little boys, on the other hand, don’t even want to be around girls when they are little because girls have cooties! I guess as little boys turn into young men, they start to think more about marriage, family and their future lives. I won’t say that I have had an obsession to get married, but I knew that I definitely wanted to get married and have a family one day. I knew that I wanted to do things a bit differently than what I had seen from my parents. Having experienced divorce within our family, and myself, having gone through a hard breakup after a long-term relationship came to an end, I drew the line in the sand. I made sure that if I was to consider marriage, I wanted to do everything in my power to prepare and learn so that I could be the best possible husband and father I could be. Five years ago, I made that commitment to myself and my future wife (even before I knew her!) Maybe by this point you’re thinking, well you’re not like every other guy. While that may be true, I didn’t want to end up as another statistic, adding to the increasing number of broken families and marriages that exist within our country. I wanted to be different and this would require me to think and do things different from the norm. So here I am ladies and gentlemen, in the midst of preparing for my wedding. As you will see, I am really involved in the process, because it’s not just my future wife’s day, it’s our day. We are celebrating our marriage and our lives coming together. I want to be involved because while a wedding may last a day, or really a few hours, a marriage will last a lifetime! On November 4^th we got engaged. We are roughly 3 months into the engagement and 9 months away from the wedding date. The process so far has been relatively smooth. Since our engagement we have already booked a venue, caterer, photographer, picked out our color scheme, and nailed down a primary guest list. Maybe you are thinking, hey you’re moving quick on this. I think we are moving very intentionally because our situation is a bit unique. For starters, my fiancée and I live in different states. So we have to be really intentional about doing as much as we can when we have the time. But as we started the first two things on my mind were, we need to develop the budget and we need to figure out where we were going for our honey-moon. Just kidding, it was figuring out a budget and how long did I have to wait until we went on our honeymoon. : ) I have developed a healthy understanding for finances and during my single days I was able to eliminate all of my debt. I wanted to make sure that as we entered into marriage we took a healthy approach to finances. So before we had a date set, we locked down a budget. When you know the end line, you can work your way backwards. My fiancée and I talked about it and what our non-negotiables were. Again, we are planning for a day, an awesome celebration of unity, holy matrimony, I wanted to make sure that we would be able to celebrate this moment for years to come and not be strapped down financially just for a few hours. Things add up quick! It helps to have some essential things in place. In other words, I want to stay within our means and not go into debt from this event. It's funny, I don’t think that I have been on Pinterest or Etsy more in my life than now. Looking at rings, rustic wedding ideas, seeing what things I can attempt to make. We have been looking at as many resources as we can to help us with the planning; asking friends, reading blogs and books. So far, one of our biggest challenges we are facing is the guest list. What’s the proper etiquette? Kids or no kids? Co-workers, close friends, just family, second cousin once removed, who makes the cut? This has been really difficult in light of the budget. It’s helpful that we both have smaller families. Again, with our unique situation, for my side of the family this will be like a destination wedding. (Remember we live in different states.) For her, all of her friends and relatives already live in Florida. This has yet to be solidified, but we are doing our best to keep it as intimate as possible, but it is really hard. There’s a lot of people who have been a part of our lives, especially at different stages, that we would like to have them there to celebrate with us. The process continues. And in the midst of all of this, I’m doing my best to enjoy this time. This will be the only time that I get to enjoy this engagement season. I’m also doing my best to get ripped, or wedding fit! I’m being just being honest here. I know that I have a wedding coming up. I want to look good for my wife. Remember my two biggest concerns are budget and honeymoon! Until next time… To follow my journey or to read more blogs about the different stages of marriage visit https://familybridgesusa.org and follow us on social media @familybridges with #whymarriage.

for men

marriage

character

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Hello. I'm a Millennial.

Sara — Thu, 17 Nov 2016 22:04:49 +0000

Hello. I'm a Millennial.Sara Thu, 11/17/2016 - 16:04

Nov 17, 2016

Contributed by Frederick Ford Beckley

Or so they tell me. Before that they told me I belonged to Generation Me. Before that, Generation Y. But now, finally, everyone has agreed on the correct name for me and my kind: Millennial. For a long time, I didn't know how to feel about being a Millennial. On the one hand, it's simply a system of classification, based on birth year. Everyone born has a birth year, and so everyone falls into a generational classification - before the Millennials was Generation X, before them were the Baby Boomers, before them, the Silent Generation. … I wonder how the Silent Generation felt about their moniker. I'd ask them but, you know, they're silent… On the other hand, the main reason I and lots of other Millennials aren't super stoked to be Millennials is the abundance of assumptions that come with the territory. I'm sure you've heard that people born after 1981 are lazy, entitled, ungrateful, unreliable, self-obsessed and generally less skilled than earlier generations. If you haven't heard that, go ahead and google it, I can wait. If you're a Millennial I know I only have to wait about 5 seconds. If you're older than a Millennial, it might take a few minutes. Millennials are faster with technology in general, it's one of the things that makes us so lazy. Before I wrote this article, I wanted to double check my Millennial status. I mean, I didn't want to present myself as something I'm not. Maybe there's more to being a Millennial, I thought, than being born after 1980. I'm a great speller, and yet I constantly misspell Millennial (I always forget the second N), so subconsciously maybe I knew something didn't add up. I ended up taking a quiz testing my Millennial percentage, and it turns out my behaviors indicate I am 93% Millennial. You can take the quiz here if you like, it's only 15 questions: http://www.pewresearch.org/quiz/how-millennial-are-you Anyway, after answering questions about my political and social views, my daily media intake - both social and non-social, and even my tattoo history, it started to sink in. I am a Millennial. And I've decided to embrace it. So what if a load of Baby Boomers think that I use my phone too much and that it is alienating me from my peers. My parents (Baby Boomers both) use their phones much more than I do. My mom spends more time playing Candy Crush in a day than I spend playing video games in a month. I've tried to enact a no-phones policy at the dinner table, but inevitably my dad thinks of some picture he wants to share with me or some fact he wants to check. It seems to me that the current state of technology has baited everyone to increase their data usage, not just Millennials. I used to resent the thought that "Millennials don't work hard". But then I remembered that every generation has said that about the one that follows it. I used to resent the thought that "Millennials are delusional" but then I remembered all the times I was told growing up that I could do anything, that I could be whatever I wanted. If that takes longer to achieve or if I look delusional living on my own terms and not necessarily for capital gain, that's fine. Haters gonna hate. I really used to resent the thought that "Millennials are lazy, ungrateful, and unreliable." But then I remembered I work 50-60 hours a week, I love the people around me and the opportunities they've given me, and I have great follow through. I'm not perfect, but I doubt the people criticizing Millennial behavior are perfect either. I'm not saying that there aren't lazy millennials, or narcissistic ones, or entitled ones, I'm just saying they don't represent me. They don't represent my hardworking, kind, intelligent, social-media savvy Millennial friends. I don't concern myself with how other generations assume people like me act. And this is the advice I give not only to Millennials, but any classification of people that face prejudice. Don't get bogged down with how people perceive you. Don't let it change you. Don't let it get you mad. Be an individual. And when you meet other individuals who think poorly of you, prove them wrong. Be the exception. It'll probably take a while. Turning the tide always does. But at least, in the meantime, we can take really good selfies. #P.S. To the generation that follows mine, whether you come to be known as Generation Z, the Post-Millennials, the iGeneration, the Founders, the Plurals, the Alpha Generation, or the Homeland Generation*, there will be people that say you don't work as hard as we do, that you undervalue human relationships, that you're coddled and even further removed from the "real world". There will be a whole slew of negative assumptions projected onto you. But not from me. I'm excited to meet you. Let's take a selfie sometime, or whatever cool thing you all are into. *These are all real names in the running for the next generation, time will tell what is chosen. For more blogs, tips and articles on life and relationships, follow us on social media as @familybridges.

Individuality

character

generations

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Your Kids and Their Different Personalities

fbusacmsadmin — Fri, 15 Aug 2014 15:58:35 +0000

Your Kids and Their Different Personalities

fbusacmsadmin Fri, 08/15/2014 - 10:58

Aug 15, 2014

I knew I was in for a treat when I brought my third child home from the hospital. He had to be rocked all the time and never, I mean never, be put down in his crib.

The experts encouraged me to put him down and let him wail all night until he got used to his crib, but I disagreed with that approach. I simply could not bear to hear my baby crying. I had two children already, and I never had to let those two wail through the night. Why start now?

I made it through the next three years with little sleep while that little boy and I became best night time buddies.

Research shows that personalities displayed very early in life will stay with us until adulthood. Oh boy! I guess we have a few more sleepless nights to go.

Three completely different children live under my roof. You would never know that all three share the same father and mother. Their personalities are as distinct as their unique thumbprints. By personality, I am referring to the consistency of their behavior in a wide variety of situations.

It amazes me how my older child can be so determined, playful, and imaginative; the second one be so orderly, respectful, and philosophical; and the third one be so practical, outspoken, and strong-willed!

After I realized that sleep was overrated, I began to appreciate them for who they are. I have found that the key is not to resent their personality traits but to embrace them and use their strengths to help our family shine as a team. Each member makes the family unit stronger with their skills and personality traits.

My determined and fun-loving daughter teaches my timid child how to be more adventurous. My niece is physically strong, and my son is mentally alert. The two of them make a great team of brawn and brain. My youngest son’s determination makes him a great worker; he negotiates allowances and rewards for big jobs, and everyone benefits from his practical approach and leadership.

Our challenge as parents is to find their place within the family unit and plug them in. Children are pre-wired to be who they are. So you can either embrace their wiring by helping them shine in the context of the family, or you can disassemble them, crush their spirit and engage in endless power struggles.

Regardless of their personality, the most important thing is to focus on their character. No matter if our children are outgoing or timid, rambunctious or adaptable, they can all be taught character through intentional parental practices. We can adapt our teaching methods to their personalities. We can always be an example, tell them stories related to the character traits, illustrate what that character looks like in the real world, and help them practice those character traits when the opportunities arise.

By focusing on character development and teamwork, we create a more peaceful and harmonious household and help mold individuals that benefit their society and themselves.

A child’s personality infused with a strong character can enrich their school, friendships, and eventually their own calling. Children grow up and leave our homes, and they set out to make a mark on the world.

When mine leave, I want them to do so pursuing a career that is a great match for their personality. I hope to see their work field and those around them benefit from their unique personality and strong character.

Let’s raise exceptional and active individuals that make an extraordinary difference in the world. It all starts by accepting our children for who they are by choosing to enjoy their personalities, making space for them in our lives, and making character building (not changing their personality) the focus of our parenting efforts.

by Eva Fleming

parenting

character

Individuality

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