community

How do we help during a crisis?

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 14 Jan 2025 20:25:27 +0000

How do we help during a crisis?

anny@familybri… Tue, 01/14/2025 - 14:25

Jan 14, 2025

The recent wildfires in LA have ignited a storm of deep sorrow and devastation, leaving many to navigate the heavy burden of collective trauma. Not long ago, we faced a similar ordeal with hurricanes ravaging western North Carolina.

In times of adversity, whether faced alone or as a community, the very core of our beliefs is put to the test. It disrupts the pillars of security, predictability, and control that we often take for granted.

As we witness these events unfold, we are compelled to ask ourselves:

How can we truly make an impact?
How can we reach out and support our loved ones whose lives, livelihoods, and neighborhoods have been utterly transformed?
How do we start to grasp the depth of such overwhelming loss?

In the hours, days, or even weeks following events like these, people can find themselves incredibly vulnerable. We must also be mindful of the possibility of enduring impacts that could linger long after the initial crisis has passed.

The journey through these difficult times varies for each person and greatly depends on the support they receive. Some may find themselves spiraling into depression, mental health struggles, or destructive behaviors. Decisions made in the immediate aftermath of trauma, when clarity is elusive, can have enduring negative consequences for them and their loved ones.

First aid responders assess needs and offer essential care, providing crucial support during crises. This compassionate presence helps ease distress after traumatic events.

Even without first aid training, your words and actions can make a significant impact. By standing with others during critical times, you can help stabilize, instill hope, and guide them through challenges, which can even help prevent harmful decisions and patterns.

How do we instinctively react when faced with a crisis?

Picture a world where your inner balance is suddenly disrupted. It's as if your internal compass has lost its bearings, leaving you feeling adrift and unlike your usual self. The trusted methods you use to stay calm and composed have failed, leaving you struggling with anxiety and a noticeable dip in your daily performance. This is the heart of a psychological crisis.

In the blink of an eye, our instincts kick in. You may have heard of the fight, flight, or freeze response. This response is hardwired into all mammals, not just humans.

In the animal kingdom, survival instincts dictate whether creatures fight, flee, or freeze. Predators like lions and bears fight, prey like deer run, and creatures like possums freeze. Humans can exhibit any of these responses, and understanding them is key to navigating tough times.

During a physiological shock, a mental state where the fight, flight, or freeze response can take over, sometimes causing a complete shutdown of the thinking part of the brain. Individuals may appear absent, their emotions numbed, unable to process the situation. In those initial moments, their reaction might be no reaction at all—a clear indicator of a psychological crisis. They might withdraw, unable to make eye contact or respond to simple questions. You might find individuals so overwhelmed that even answering very basic questions becomes an insurmountable task.

What is post-traumatic stress?

You may have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but there is also post-traumatic stress. Post-traumatic stress is a natural response following a significant event. It's normal for feelings of despair, sadness, grief, and even anger to linger for a while. After a crisis, individuals may struggle with basic responses and feel disoriented. This confusion, linked to the brain's frontal lobe, can distort their sense of time and surroundings. It's normal and not necessarily indicative of a traumatic injury. In high-stress moments, people might act irrationally, highlighting the need for safety measures. Such behavior signals intense emotional distress, often accompanied by anxiety and agitation.

However, if these feelings persist beyond 30 days, it might be time to consider the possibility of PTSD. This is when stress extends beyond its usual course, potentially hindering recovery. In such cases, seeking the expertise of a mental health professional is crucial.

Let's explore how you can be a vital support for those experiencing intense stress.

1. Pause for a moment.

Whether you have an hour, ten minutes, or just a single minute, use that time to pray and center yourself. Seek the peace that surpasses understanding, asking for protection over your heart and mind. This will equip you with a calm, non-anxious presence to offer others. Emotions are contagious. Cultivate that serene presence and connect with others where they are, meeting them in their moment of need.

Imagine facing what feels like one of the most challenging moments of your life. It's crucial to let them know you truly understand both their words and emotions. We must approach these situations with genuine love and compassion, even when it feels difficult. Sometimes, we might struggle to find that compassion for someone, and that's when it's important to step back. If you're not feeling that care and empathy, you might not be able to provide the support they need. It's okay to recognize when it's time for someone else to step in. Life's circumstances, like personal illness or trauma, can affect our ability to be there for others. It's essential to be self-aware and responsible enough to acknowledge when you can't offer the support they need.

2. Be present.

Be present, warm, and accepting. Create a judgment-free space for open expression. Listen actively and connect genuinely. Offer your full attention, avoiding distractions. Embrace discomfort and focus on their needs. Recognize when to step back, understanding your presence is most powerful when truly wanted. Embrace the power of presence, listen with compassion, and extend kindness.

3. Meet people where they are.

In times of crisis, we often hear about the concept of "psychological alignment." While it might sound complex, it's simply about meeting people where they are emotionally. It's crucial not to expect them to change their feelings or words. Instead, embrace their emotions without judgment. Avoid trying to convince them to feel differently or dismiss their experiences with phrases like "it could be worse," or even things like "all things work out for the good." Such statements can inadvertently invalidate their feelings. Instead, acknowledge their emotions as valid and real, fostering a genuine connection and understanding. Active listening means hearing what they say and then letting them know that you heard them by saying things like, "I hear that you're angry," or "I am so sorry you have had all this happen to you."

4. Address basic needs.

In vulnerable times, we must protect those unable to safeguard themselves, ensuring their basic needs—food, water, and shelter—are met. It's vital to consider the well-being of their dependents too. Decision-making can be impaired, so prioritizing safety and security is essential. Even after danger passes, the sense of safety may not immediately return.

5. Help them connect to safety.

Picture the impact of simply asking, "How secure do you feel at this moment?"

This simple question can open the door to a realm of life-changing opportunities.

Whether it's guiding someone to a safer haven, offering a warm meal or drink, or connecting them with a supportive network of trusted clergy, family, or friends, these actions can significantly bolster their sense of security. We have the chance to be that comforting presence, providing an emotional refuge where they can express themselves openly, free from judgment. By doing so, we empower them to navigate their crisis with assurance and compassion.

In moments of crisis, the power of peace and presence can be transformative. Ask them:

What would make you feel safer?
Who brings you comfort?
Where do you find solace?
When do you feel most secure?

Even if you can't physically connect them with that person, a simple photo can work wonders. If they have access to their phone or social media accounts with pictures of loved ones, encourage them to look at a picture of a loved one—a child, grandchild, grandmother, or even a cherished pet. If you have memories with them, sending these pictures and memories to them can be reassuring. This small act can transport them to a place of safety and warmth. Encourage them to close their eyes and imagine being in that sanctuary, the safest place in their world. These gestures can be incredibly comforting.

6. Encourage sleep.

Talk to people about their sleep quality. Encourage them to explore ways to achieve more restful sleep, as the brain heals from traumatic stress during REM sleep. Without proper rest, those symptoms may persist. It's common for them to experience recurring nightmares or thoughts replaying in their mind—this is entirely normal. Engaging in conversation about these experiences can be beneficial, as it helps the brain piece together the puzzle. Encouraging them to share their story might offer some relief.

7. Medical conditions.

In moments of crisis, it's crucial to recognize when physical symptoms may signal a medical emergency. Prioritize a thorough assessment by a healthcare professional. For those with preexisting health conditions, trauma can intensify their symptoms. Engage with them and their loved ones to identify any medical concerns that might be aggravated by the psychological stress they're facing.

8. Resistance to help.

If people show resistance, it's crucial not to push. Focus on the immediate concerns that matter most to them. Sometimes, deeper issues arise after a crisis or significant loss, leading to cumulative challenges. In these moments, it's essential to break down the situation into manageable actions. Ask them things like, "What can you do right now? What's a small step you can take?"

9. Avoid trying to fix the unfixable.

Not everything can be fixed. If someone has lost a loved one, you can't change that reality. Your presence and comfort in their sorrow are what you can offer. It's vital to respect their boundaries and focus on what they are willing to let you help with. Their needs and desires are paramount. Sometimes, all you can do is be present, listen, and show understanding and compassion.

Often, people just need their pain acknowledged. They need to hear, "That was a terrible experience, and I'm so sorry. This must be incredibly hard." You don't have to take away their pain or fix it.

10. Finding meaning.

Understanding and making sense of life's events is essential for both daily social interactions and adapting to traumatic experiences. Research highlights that those enduring acute stress often embark on a journey to find meaning in the chaos. This quest is driven by the disruption of core beliefs about oneself and the world. A study post-9/11 revealed that individuals who focused on uncovering positive outcomes and sought support from others were more successful in finding meaning.

Embracing the purpose of adversity and valuing supportive relationships are common ways people derive meaning from trauma. Therefore, those who actively seek positive aspects and practical help are more likely to discover a deeper sense of purpose.

We all strive for resilience, to recover after setbacks or defeats. Traumatic events and crises are setbacks, and resilience determines how well we recover from them. Our psychological resilience is influenced by various factors, but fundamentally, we are designed to heal from trauma and crises. Our bodies are remarkably capable of healing. Remind people of this and be there for them.

Your presence is invaluable. Being there for them is the first crucial step in guiding them through this challenging time.

Resources:

www.familybridgesusa.org

https://crisistrainingcenter.org/

https://www.redcross.org/

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

Language English

Faith, Resilience, and the Gentle Strength of Encouragement

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 05 Nov 2024 18:25:32 +0000

Faith, Resilience, and the Gentle Strength of Encouragement

anny@familybri… Tue, 11/05/2024 - 12:25

Nov 5, 2024

As I descended from the stage, my mind still buzzing with the echoes of my speech to faith-driven business leaders, a gentle voice from the crowd halted me. It wasn't about my words or our actions; instead, she felt a pressing nudge to pray for me. Her heartfelt prayer and blessings were like a soothing balm to my soul, enveloping me in warmth and comfort.

During that period of time a few years ago, my heart felt burdened as I navigated through one of the toughest challenge our organization had ever faced. One day while in DC, within a span of a six hours, I was hit with devastating funding cuts from two major sources, totaling a staggering million dollars. This forced us into the heartbreaking position of having to reduce staff, scale back programs, and, most painfully, risk losing the hard-earned trust of our community leaders in regions impacted.

The prayer lifted me and reminded me that just like God had rescued the Israelites from the hands of the Egyptians and brought them to himself not just once but repeatedly, that he too would carry us through. I was reminded that He had called me and my family for a greater purpose and that my job was simply to faithfully obey.

How have you been encouraged in your life?

Encouragement is a transformative force that can uplift and inspire. It can spread like a contagious wave, much like the infectious energy of a team you cheer for, filling you with the exhilarating hope of their triumph. Or it can come subtly, softly through a heartfelt prayer, a kind word, an affirming message, or even a powerful song that touches the very fabric of your soul. Beyond these, think of the joy in recalling God's extraordinary works in your life and the promises that guide your journey. These moments resonate differently from the thrill of reaching a hard-won goal, yet they energize you with a fresh sense of purpose.

Can you recall a moment when you summoned the strength to rise from bed, even when you were reluctant to conquer the day’s tasks? There is an adorable viral video of a girl sharing positive affirmations in front of a mirror. The concept of self-motivation through personal pep talks has gained traction, fueled by the self-made movement. Sure, one can argue that there are moments that this may help.

Encouragement transcends self-initiated efforts; it is a universal language of support, a potent force that binds and elevates us, fostering deep connections among individuals.

This is probably why it is such a prominent theme in several self-help books, in leadership, enhancing marital satisfaction, in parenting and family science, and embedded in several counseling frameworks. The literature offers some intriguing findings on encouragement. It has been tied to the development of students’ and athletes’ physical fitness, for example, and to fostering family resilience.

It is woven into the very fabric of our mission statement, "end the cycle of family trauma through innovative programs that empower, equip, and encourage underserved communities."

So what is encouragement?

In 1956, psychologist Alfred Adler introduced the idea that encouragement is crucial for human growth. Over time, it has evolved to signify the act of inspiring others, offering assistance, discovering pathways to overcome challenges, conveying a silent yet powerful message of self-worth, and instilling the confidence and courage needed to embrace change.

The Bible is filled with stories, verses, and psalms of worship that inspire us and also prompt us to encourage one another, particularly those who are disheartened (1 Thessalonians 5:11-15). Through the Holy Spirit, God inspires and uplifts us, His words and promises fill us with hope, worship rejuvenates our spirits, and we are empowered to pass that encouragement on to others.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

(Hebrews 10:24-25)

Life's challenges---from the shadows of despair and anxiety to the trials of job loss, relationship struggles, or global crises---are inevitable. Yet, within the pages of the Bible, we discover a wellspring of hope and strength. These verses offer a beacon of light, guiding us back to the unwavering promises of God, reminding us that no matter the storm, there is always a path to renewal and faith.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

(Isaiah 41:10)

The need is great. Consider these staggering statistics: a 167% rise in suicide rates among children aged 10-14, a 138% surge in anxiety among young adults aged 18-25, and 81% of employees reporting that their jobs negatively affect their mental health.

In a world where isolation can feel overwhelming, community acts as a beacon of hope, creating a nurturing environment where encouragement thrives. It possesses a healing power that resonates deep within the soul, igniting the heart and sparking transformation. I am privileged to witness the profound impact of uplifting others during their darkest times, watching as they blossom with newfound strength. The call for encouragement is urgent and pervasive. I invite you to join us in this vital mission to make a difference.

Someone in your home needs encouragement today.

Someone in your neighborhood needs encouragement today.

Someone you work with needs encouragement today.

Encourage them by. . .

Listening: Create space to take them in and truly listen to their heart. Avoid jumping in quickly with unsolicited solutions.

Being Vulnerable: Reveal your journey through a difficult chapter in your life, highlighting how His guidance and support led you to triumph.

Showing Up: Encourage someone by showing up to the celebrations, the experiences they invite you to be a part, the dreams they share with you.

Praying for them: Ask how you can pray for someone and follow-up, praying with them and for them.

Pointing to their strengths: Recognize their strengths, what they bring to the table, and how they matter.

Inviting them to remember: Invite them to recollect a time they overcame a struggle or a challenge and to reflect on what helped them pull through.

Being genuinely grateful: This month, we pause and remember the blessings God has architected for our life, his favor and good will for us. We get to slow down and express our gratitude to those we love and cherish. And gratitude is one powerful way we can encourage one another. Gratitude softens hardened hearts, breaks through contempt, paves a path for healing, and gives you joy.

There are so many ways you can encourage others today. You can make a difference today in someone's life.

Who will you encourage today?

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

Language English

Growing Together in Love

Sara — Mon, 09 Nov 2020 19:14:00 +0000

Growing Together in Love

Sara Mon, 11/09/2020 - 13:14

Nov 9, 2020

Love. It is a little word, but it means so much. Love makes the world glow rosy, the birds sing, and life feels new. People make commitments, have children, and buy homes all in the name of love. But what happens when something changes and the rosy glow fades? Many people don’t know where to go or what to do and dissolving the relationship and moving forward to look for a new partner seems like the only option. During COVID-19 quarantines, this additional strain on partnerships seems to accelerate problems that already existed. One couple had one last option to redeem their marriage, AVANCE. Juan and Adelita* could barely stand to be in the same room as each other at the start of this virtual marriage class, but by the end of it, their transformation was apparent to everyone who saw them.

The AVANCE program began as a way to help disseminate effective relationship and family curriculum in a sustainable way into local communities. It is all well and good for a teacher to come into a neighborhood, provide some counseling, make a one-time difference, and leave. It is another thing to find a way to cultivate real change in the community by putting the resources in place to keep the momentum going, and allowing it to be self-sustaining. Family Bridges had classes and resources developed over a decade of training to help improve marriages, empower parents, and strengthen families, but not enough manpower to keep coaches in all the churches that wanted the tools for years. To make these resources available for the long haul, they created a three year training program so community members could teach these curricula for years to come. A Family Bridges employee guides the trainees through years of programming and it was one of these marriage classes that Juan and Adelita decided to try - one last effort for reconciliation.

Juan and Adelita signed up for Romance Perpetuo, a class about commitment, communication, and everlasting love. They would not look at each other, and barely engaged with everyone else on the Zoom call. Their instructor - Maria - took note of the couple, as they were very young to be so unhappy with one another;Juan and Adelita stood out, week after week barely able to engage. About a month in, however, Maria noticed they began to start angling closer to each other, and interacting a little more. Slowly over the period of weeks they sat closer together, until one day they were sitting together, smiles on their faces, and joy in their hearts.

“I cannot believe that God came to visit us in our living room,” Adelita said to Maria in a private counseling session, beaming as she and Juan expressed their gratitude for the communications tools they learned. In the middle of lockdowns, uncertainty, and unrest, Juan and Adelita found peace in their marriage, and a renewed commitment to the love they hold for one another. Because AVANCE is training other people in that community, other couples will experience that same renewal long after Maria is no longer teaching there. This volunteer-led system reinforces the values that create strong families, namely that people are the architects of their own lives and that if people love well, they can build a life of sustained happiness.

Building happiness for individual families can build stronger communities, advancing our neighborhoods in love for one another. Family Bridges continues to focus on love. This week is our Love Story date night, and we are so excited to continue kindling sparks of romance in communities all over America. Make sure you join us on YouTube live on November 13, 2020 at 7pm (CDT).

To learn more about how you can participate in, or volunteer with AVANCE, visit us here.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

by Bethany Verrett

love

community

marriage

Language English

Kill ’em with kindness

savannah — Sun, 12 Apr 2020 20:43:27 +0000

Kill ’em with kindness

savannah Sun, 04/12/2020 - 15:43

Apr 12, 2020

We've all heard it for the last few weeks. Wash your hands, social distance, and buy all the toilet paper you can, oh wait; no one said that last part and yet there seems to be a shortage.

In times of panic, we tend to go into some weird caveman-like survival mode where it's eat or be eaten, but why? I'm not trying to get into some deep psychology of the human mind, but I see some of these videos of mobs at Walmart fighting over toilet paper, and I just feel sad.

In times like this, I think about a story I was told my whole life about my grandpa and grandma. Long story short, there once was a drought with no rain in sight, but one day my grandfather decided to put every pot, pan, cup, or thing that could hold water outside. Why? Because, obviously, it was about to rain even though there wasn't a cloud in the sky. After much ridicule from his neighbors, the clouds came, and it poured for a few minutes. Instead of hoarding all the water, he collected, my grandfather gave the water to the people in the neighborhood - the same ones who were mocking him. He could have kept it all to himself but chose to share his abundance with those who were suffering.

It's easy to be selfish. By nature, we are selfish creatures. It's why we teach our kids to share. So when I got to see that same sense of community and sharing in action in my own life, it impacted me more.

I grew up in South Florida, so mass panic is nothing new. Watching neighborhoods prep for a hurricane is something that most people don't get to experience. In comparison to the "every man for himself" mentality that we are experiencing right now, hurricane season always brought neighbors together. During prep time, you did what you had to do to get ready, but you also helped the older lady down the street who lived alone and put up her shutters. You did it without anyone asking you to. You did it just because it was the right thing to do.

I've lived through plenty of hurricanes, but if I'm completely honest, I barely remember them. It rains so much in Florida that it all starts to blur together. But I will never forget Hurricane Katrina or Hurricane Wilma. They hit Florida in 2005 about two months apart. I remember them because of the panic in the air. Everyone was worried about their houses and families. I was only eight at the time, and if I could sense it, then I can only imagine what adults at the time were feeling. But what stuck with me was what happened post-hurricane. My house didn't have power for three weeks post-Katrina. I don't know if you have ever experienced Florida heat in August/September, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Out of the kindness of my neighbor's heart, they ran an extension cord from their house across the street to ours. (They got power back almost immediately since there is a sewer pipe running under them.) It was nothing special, but it let us run a fan at night and probably a bunch of other small stuff I can't remember. All I know is that the feeling of the fan turning on is still one of the most vivid memories I have.

I also remember playing basketball in the street with some of the kids in the neighborhood. Most of them were my cousins, but there was just a mob of kids running up and down the street doing kid things. People were sharing food—some rice here, a potato there, some bottled water over there. A bunch of other things were collectively shared, so at a young age, I got to see a community come together. I don't want to take away or belittle the damage those two hurricanes did to Florida and other states, but that sense of community and having each other's backs in times of crisis will forever be a part of who I am.

How do I apply that very sense of community in a time where we can't physically be near each other? It's a question I've been asking myself during this quarantine. Maybe we can't have barbecues with people popping by and catching up, but we still can be a community. Technology has kept us linked in this partitioned world we now live in. We can practice kindness in this quarantine. I don't think it needs to be some grand gesture like putting up someone's shutters or giving away thousands of water bottles to a community in dire need of some. No, I think it can be as simple as…

Buying a Starbucks gift card for your nurse, doctor or hospital-employee friend who is working hard to fight this virus
Thanking the grocery store workers who have been getting to the stores earlier than usual to clean and stock the whole store every day
Checking in on our elderly neighbors to see if they need help getting groceries or other necessities
Reaching out to some parents, you may know who are now locked in a room with their 3-year-old. They could probably use a couple of new toys or coloring books. Maybe even a bottle of wine for themselves.
Looking out for your extroverted friends, they are most definitely going crazy right now, so give them a call and check-in on them.

We may not be able to be in the same room as others, but thanks to technology, we can still stay connected. These are wild times with so many normals changing, but it doesn't mean we have to change everything. So wash your hands, keep your distance, and show a little kindness.

------

For more tips on relationships, follow Family Bridges on social media @familybridges

by José-Andrés Alegría

kindness

community

COVID-19

Language English

Going Back to School.... in Chiapas, Mexico!

Sara — Fri, 03 Feb 2017 22:03:11 +0000

Going Back to School.... in Chiapas, Mexico!Sara Fri, 02/03/2017 - 16:03

Feb 3, 2017

Contributed by Barb Linek

Wow! Everybody knows that going back to school involves many new experiences. However, I think I took this to a whole new level by taking a course in San Cristobal, Chiapas, Mexico. I have only been to Mexico once before and that was many years ago for just one week. It was pretty is about all I remember. On that trip, I had virtually no contact with the local people, just the large group I was traveling with. This trip is a completely different experience. We are a small group, just five students, with a professor who has had a strong connection with Chiapas since 1994. So he knows everyone! We’ve been here for a week now, and we are exhausted. We have been all over town, day and night, visiting various organizations working for peace and justice. Maybe Chiapas doesn’t ring a bell for you? It’s the state where a Zapatista uprising against the Mexican government took place in 1994 demanding human rights for the indigenous (native) peoples and justice for the poor. The many organizations we are visiting existed some years before that uprising because Bishop Samuel Ruiz, who served the Diocese of San Cristobal from 1960-2010, helped them get started. Just a few decades ago, indigenous people were not even allowed to enter the city of San Cristobal! The organizations are making progress but there is still a long ways to go. It is amazing to see all these groups working together to change the system or, in some cases, to create their own system to meet people’s needs. What do I hope to learn from this experience in Chiapas? I’d like to know how to organize and empower the voiceless back in the Chicago area. On Sunday we visited Acteal, a small, very poor, indigenous community up in the mountains, 90 minutes drive from town. They don’t even speak Spanish but they were organized and fighting for their human rights for some years before they were attacked in 1997. The paramilitary killed 45 people, mostly women and children, while the police watched. In spite of, or maybe because of, this massacre, the people are still politically active, fighting for their rights. They also have a women’s collective that makes and sells beautiful embroidered clothing. I think that is a great idea. So many creative people in Chicago want to sell their own artwork or crafts but it might be more effective to work together and form a collective. I think we have a lot to learn from the people of San Cristobal. We need to work together more to get things done! You’ve heard the saying, “Two heads are better than one?” Then what if you put ten heads together? Or twenty? I bet we could accomplish even more! Follow my journey on social media @familybridges with #BarbsJourney #journeys.

education

community

Language English