parenting

When AI Meets the Heart: Virtue and Attachment in the Era of AI

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Thu, 21 Aug 2025 20:35:19 +0000

When AI Meets the Heart: Virtue and Attachment in the Era of AI

anny@familybri… Thu, 08/21/2025 - 15:35

Aug 21, 2025

As a parent of two teens, AI comes up often in our home. Like many thoughtful parents, we’ve worked hard to teach our kids how to think clearly, communicate well, build strong character, and grow in their faith. But AI is putting that to the test. These tools are powerful, easy to access, and often offer quick answers that can take away from deep learning and growth.

We want our kids to be ready for the future, including using AI in smart and responsible ways. But we’re careful about jumping in too fast partly because AI seems to create shortcuts to critical thinking, and also because there aren’t strong safety rules in place yet.

As a Christian Clinical Psychologist and social entrepreneur who works with families, leaders, and mental health, I look at this through the lens of faith, science, and values. In this article, I’ll share ideas that I hope will help you create healthy, thoughtful AI guidelines for your family, church, or ministry.

From Utility to Intimacy: The Evolving Role of AI

The digital world is already tricky, and we haven’t fully dealt with the problems social media can cause for friendships, family bonds, and mental health. Now, with AI becoming more common, even bigger questions are coming up about how it might affect our families.

Alas, it's here and we need to wrestle with these legitimate parental concerns. Lately, I’ve been struck by a deeper, more disconcerting question. It is one that resonates with an open letter sent by Evangelical leaders to President Trump in May of ‘25,

“The spiritual implications of creating intelligence that may one day surpass human capabilities raises profound theological and ethical questions that must be thoughtfully considered with wisdom.”

A recent poll about the top 10 user cases for AI caught my attention. It noted a significant shift from people relying on AI for technical support in 2024 to using it primarily for emotional connection in 2025. One client admitted to falling in love with an AI, saying he would struggle to give it up even if his spouse asked him to. “I’m a better person because of it,” he said. “I can’t imagine not depending on it now.” It is a kind of emotional infidelity, and the resulting patterns of shame and guilt can be just as destructive as addictions that tear families apart.

AI now does more than help with work, it also gives emotional and spiritual support. Companies are making chatbots that act like friends and good listeners. These bots learn from you and give answers that feel just right.

What happens when AI stops being just a tool and starts feeling like a friend? When it’s easier to talk to AI than to family, pastors, or counselors? Some people spend 5–10 hours a day with AI, choosing it over real people. Why face real problems when AI gives quick support and comfort without asking for anything? Sometimes, AI even seems to understand your feelings better than those around you. It is, at least, what one study found from the University of Geneva and the University of Bern, where ChatGPT and other AI systems beat humans on emotional intelligence tests.

With so many people feeling lonely and struggling to get help, I can appreciate how some psychologists are using AI to help. These apps can guide people through calming exercises and give support between therapy visits.

Tragically, AI technology has been used quickly without enough testing for mental health risks. This has helped cause at least one teen to take their own life after becoming very attached to an AI friend. Some psychologists have also seen people who were already struggling with their mental health get worse because of AI. Early studies, like one from Stanford, warn that popular AI therapy chatbots can be unfair to some mental health issues and sometimes give harmful advice to people in crisis.

People are just now starting to talk about how robots can affect our emotions, but the warning signs have been around for a while. Back in 2012, MIT professor Sherry Turkle wrote a book called Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other. She shared how, as technology grows, we start to depend on it more for emotional support.

“Technology is seductive when what it offers meets our human vulnerabilities. And as it turns out, we are very vulnerable indeed. We are lonely but fearful of intimacy. Digital connections and the sociable robot may offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship. Our networked life allows us to hide from each other, even as we are tethered to each other. We’d rather text than talk.”

Wired for Relationship: Understanding Attachment

Attachment theory teaches us that from the moment we are born, we are wired to seek emotional connection and care. Infants depend on caregivers for survival, comfort, and security. When a baby is consistently nurtured, the message they receive is: “You are seen. You are safe. You matter.” This foundational connection literally shapes the architecture of the brain. When that bonding is disrupted, whether through neglect or inconsistency, children experience distress, confusion, and even “failure to thrive,” a condition that can be fatal if untreated.

As we grow up, we learn who we are through the people around us. Kids who are loved, cared for, and understood feel safe and good about themselves. But kids who are ignored or hurt often feel like they don’t matter and don’t feel safe. When the people they trust don’t keep them safe, they can feel worried and scared to trust others. Still, everyone wants to feel safe and known, so they look for that feeling somewhere else.

This is where social media and now AI enters the picture.

Digital Cravings: The Allure and Cost of Constant Stimulation

Social media gives kids lots of entertainment, praise, and ways to connect. The constant notifications give quick feelings of happiness, but they can also make kids hooked. This shapes how kids feel inside, not just how they spend their time.

Jonathan Haidt, in The Anxious Generation, proposes that less free play and more online approval are fueling more anxiety, sadness, and loneliness in kids. Kids learn about themselves not from real people, but from likes and comments online.

Now, AI makes this even stronger. It talks with you, understands your feelings, and remembers what you say. It doesn’t just entertain or teach, it connects and reflects who you are.

Anchored Within: The Role of the Nervous System in Emotional Balance

Self-regulation is how we calm ourselves when we feel scared or stressed. Our nervous system helps with this by checking if we are safe or in danger. When we feel upset, our body gets ready to fight, take flight, or freeze. Having a calm and caring person nearby helps us feel safe again. This is called co-regulation, and it helps kids grow strong emotionally.

Ideally, parents help their children learn to calm down. But more and more, kids and teens are turning to AI tools or apps to soothe themselves instead. These can help for a little while but don’t replace the real comfort of being with someone who cares. When we choose screens over people, we miss out on the deep feeling of being seen and cared for.

Thinking about this can feel like the jealousy someone might feel if their spouse was tempted by someone else. The stress feels similar. There is a worry that kids might spend too much time with AI and less with their family. This can be even worse for kids who don’t have a safe, loving home. For them, AI’s pull can be very strong and may cause harm.

Virtue in the Valley: How Trials Shape the Soul

The Christian life calls us into deep, sometimes messy relationships. Patience, humility, self-control, and generosity. These fruits of the Spirit are not developed in isolation. They are formed over time as we walk through difficulties, forgive offenses, and choose love again and again. Moreover, the moral development of children and youth is shaped not only by their own experiences that build grit and resilience, but also by observing and learning from others who have faced and overcome adversity. Whether through stories of biblical, historical heroes or the everyday examples of their caregivers, these lessons help moral character take root.

Marriage, parenting, and community require sacrifice. It’s not always enjoyable to bear one another’s burdens. Sometimes, we are tempted to escape, to scroll, to check out, to avoid. Now AI offers a new escape that feels even more intimate and gratifying.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Like iron becoming sharper when rubbed together, close relationships help us grow and love more deeply. God made us for connection, not to be alone (Genesis 2:18). It feels good to know and be known. AI might help for a moment, but relying on it for emotional support can lead to shame, loneliness, and isolation in the long run.

From Intention to Identity: Building a Life That Flourishes

Behavioral psychology reminds us that habits form through repetition. What starts as a one-time decision becomes a behavior, then a routine, then part of our identity. If we consistently turn to AI for emotional connection, we begin to shape our neural and relational patterns around it.

We must ask: How do we help protect our children’s agency in an era of intelligent machines designed to mirror our needs? How do we cultivate thoughtful, embodied relationships with God and others especially when the digital world promises ease, affirmation, and control?

Toward a Thoughtful Use of AI

As parents, educators, and spiritual leaders, we understand that AI is here and we need to adopt and simply develop ethical best practices. The challenge is not only to create boundaries and monitor children’s reliance on AI as a tool in much the same way parents handle these boundaries with social media, but to restrict or postpone reliance on AI tools, especially its use as a companion. The line between tool and companion is deeply blurred, making it too risky to expose children and adolescents to so many unknowns.

We’re asking children and adolescents whose cognitive and emotional development is still in progress to exercise a level of self-control and discernment that even adults struggle with: to recognize when technology is a helpful tool and when it has become an emotional attachment, meeting a need or soothing a feeling. I urge us to err on the side of caution.

But this goes beyond instruction or information. It requires us, as parents and leaders, to embody what we hope they’ll learn. We must model empathy, healthy conflict resolution, and spiritual discernment in our daily lives. We must live out honest, life-giving relationships especially in marriage, not perfect ones, but ones that are committed to healing. Ones that intentionally seek oneness time and time again even after drifting into isolation in the seasons when it gets hard.

It means being present, truly present, with our loved ones. We must slow down enough to notice them, to meet their relational needs with our time, attention, and love. Yes, it means setting digital boundaries, but more importantly, it means choosing connection over convenience. This may look like choosing to soothe their distress, instead of just giving them a tablet to quiet their anxiety. We offer our presence, our patience, and our play.

Helping our children learn to regulate their emotions starts with us. It requires that we first model calm, empathy, and resilience rather than outsourcing comfort to a screen, or avatar or robot. It means coaching them when they lose their temper with a sibling, listening with full attention when they’re heartbroken over high school drama, and celebrating alongside them when they’re bursting with pride over a new accomplishment. When they’re dysregulated, we step in to co-regulate, matching their energy, tuning into their emotions, and listening closely to their hearts. It means cultivating a home where spiritual disciplines are part of the rhythm of life, not as a task, but as an invitation to walk with a triune God who sees them, knows them, and loves them.

As relational beings, created in the image of a triune God who exists in a perfect relationship, our identity is not found in a mirror, an algorithm, or a chatbot but in the love of a Creator and the community He has placed around us.

Research consistently affirms what Scripture has long taught: human flourishing is rooted in healthy, loving relationships. The Flourishing Families Initiative and decades-long longitudinal studies, such as the Harvard Study of Adult Development, reveal that the greatest predictor of long-term happiness and well-being is not wealth, success, or even physical health but the quality of our close relationships. Strong, secure bonds with spouses, children, friends, and community are what make life meaningful and joyful over the long haul.

When someone says they’ve fallen in love with AI, it reveals a deep longing for connection, understanding, and to be seen without judgment. But this kind of attachment reflects a version of love that is safe, controlled, and curated, lacking the risk, vulnerability, and mutuality that define in agape love. Love is not about comfort or fantasy; it’s about sacrifice, truth, and commitment. Agape love is a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love that seeks the highest good of others. It’s not transactional or one-sided, but rooted in a shared pursuit of what is good and holy. Agape love costs something, it involves patience, forgiveness, and being known even in our flaws. It's the love described in 1 Corinthians 13 and embodied in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. It means setting aside AI even when it affirms or elevates you in order to be fully present with your spouse and family, choosing oneness and honoring the covenant of marriage and family life above personal validation or self-interest.To confuse artificial companionship with true love is a cautionary tale of a culture drifting toward isolation, replacing messy but meaningful human relationships with simulations that require nothing of us. In doing so, we lose not only connection with others, but with the very image of love that God designed us to give and receive.

Let us not trade the slow, transformative work of real connection for the immediate comfort of artificial affirmation. Let us raise a generation that knows how to be present, how to love, how to wait and how to thrive.

3 Steps for Parents: Guiding Kids Through the Era of AI

1. Set Healthy Boundaries Between Tool and Companion

Delay AI introduction as much as possible to ensure your child is developmentally capable to self-regulate its use. Wait until your child is in middle school or even through high school when they have proven themselves to be able to respect and have healthy boundaries with other digital products.
Teach kids to see AI as a tool for learning and productivity, not as a substitute for real relationships.
Delay or limit access to AI chatbots that mimic friendship or emotional intimacy, especially for children and teens.
Create family guidelines similar to social media boundaries: when, how, and why AI can be used.

2. Model Emotional Connection and Spiritual Discernment

Children learn by imitation: show them what empathy, patience, and healthy conflict resolution look like.
Be fully present—listen, play, and share spiritual practices together instead of outsourcing comfort to screens.
Normalize real conversations at home, church, and in community, so kids don’t feel the need to turn to AI for belonging.

3. Nurture Virtue and Resilience Through Real Relationships

Help kids grow virtues like self-control, humility, forgiveness, and generosity through family life and faith.
Remind them that deep love (agape) requires sacrifice, vulnerability, and commitment—something AI cannot provide.
Encourage habits that strengthen identity in God and community, anchoring their sense of worth in real, lasting connections.

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

Language English

The Role of Fathers in Shaping Lives: Lessons from Literature

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 06 Feb 2024 18:23:39 +0000

The Role of Fathers in Shaping Lives: Lessons from Literature

anny@familybri… Tue, 02/06/2024 - 12:23

Feb 6, 2024

Over the past few weeks, I have been captivated by two timeless masterpieces: John Steinbeck's East of Eden and Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird. These literary gems, brought to my attention by my high school nephew and son, have drawn me into worlds where the forces of good and evil collide. In East of Eden, the Trask and Hamilton families unknowingly reenact the biblical stories of Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel, exploring the delicate balance between free will and fate. And as you may recall from your own high school days, To Kill A Mockingbird is a poignant tale of a young girl's journey into adulthood, delving into themes of innocence, racism, and prejudice, as we witness how these opposing forces coexist within a single community and individual. The literature artfully weaves in the social and cultural challenges of the era, creating a rich tapestry of the times.

Just like the roots of a mighty tree, the stories of these classics plant lessons in your heart, sprouting and growing with each passing moment, until they demand your undivided attention. As my son teased out his book report, we enjoyed discussing the endless details of character, plot development, and contrasting themes throughout.

Despite the numerous differences between these two renowned classics, such as their respective settings in California and Alabama, one undeniable similarity that stood out was the significant portrayal of fathers in both narratives. In To Kill A Mockingbird, Atticus emerges as a formidable force shaping his children's lives. His unwavering presence serves as an anchor, consistently offering guidance and wisdom to teach his children important life lessons. He embodies the age-old adage that actions speak louder than words, remaining a steady and reliable figure in their lives. In East of Eden, we are introduced to Samuel, the vibrant and self-taught Irish patriarch of the Hamilton family. Filled with an infectious zest for life, Samuel leads his loved ones. Despite modest means, he garners the admiration and respect of the community through his impeccable character. Samuel forges a profound connection with Adam Trask, confronting him when his grief blinds him to the needs of his own sons, leaving them unnamed and neglected. Heightening the incredible gravitas of these loving and respectable fathers, the novels also present contrasting father figures. In East of Eden, Cyrus is depicted as a militant and excessively authoritarian figure. On the other hand, To Kill A Mockingbird introduces us to Robert Ewell, an immoral, addictive, and lawless father who not only abuses his own children but also mocks the local ordinances and takes advantage of government safety nets.

Both Atticus and Samuel are depicted as highly involved fathers, not only providing financial support for their families but also cultivating a thirst for knowledge, fostering a love for reading, and encouraging exploration.

Negative stereotypes about fathers are rampant in mainstream media today. In fact, one study found that in sitcoms today, dads come off looking more incompetent, immature, and self-absorbed. One of the most indestructible dad myths is that dads don’t contribute as much or aren’t as necessary as moms. Yet, nothing can be further from the truth. Fathers provide unique, important contributions to their families—contributions that should not be dismissed or devalued.

There is an overwhelming abundance of compelling evidence that illuminates the indisputable advantages of fathers actively engaging in the lives of their children (see below). It is important to acknowledge that this does not diminish or undermine the unique and powerful role that mothers play. Of course, fathers are not mothers, and they don't parent in the same way. Instead, they bring unique and invaluable contributions to their families, contributions that should never be underestimated or devalued.

My heart aches for those who have not been fortunate enough to experience the blessing and privilege of an active and present father figure in their lives or who have tragically lost their fathers at a tender age. Yet, I am encouraged by the work we do and that of many other fatherhood and family strengthening programs that are actively seeking to promote father engagement.

In 2024, how can we elevate the fathers in our families, neighborhoods and communities? Let's kick it off at home. From February 7th to 14th, we celebrate National Marriage Week, and of course, Valentine's Day reminds us to honor and cherish those we love. For those who are married and raising children, how can we uplift and empower our spouses in their important role as fathers? One way we can uplift and elevate our marriages is validating the influence we have over one one another and recognizing the value we bring to the table. In this case, the positive influence fathers can have.

Start by simply appreciating and respecting the contributions of the fathers in your midst. Do so frequently.

And if you are a father, you can aspire to do better---draw inspiration from the timeless classics mentioned above:

Instill a love for reading by sharing stories with your children,
Share the responsibilities and burdens of parenting,
Have meaningful conversations with your kids,
Actively engage in playtime,
Be present in their lives,
Provide guidance and discipline as needed,
Embrace and embody your deeply rooted beliefs and values, allowing them to authentically reflect the character and spiritual journey you strive for

As these books also beautifully illustrate the profound influence of generations, I feel compelled to share with you an excerpt from Sarah Groves' poignant lyrics in her song, Generations:

Remind me of this with every decision
Generations will reap what I sow
I can pass on a curse or a blessing
To those I will never know

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

fathers

family

parenting

Language English

Diary of an Athlete's Mom

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Thu, 05 Jan 2023 18:11:24 +0000

Diary of an Athlete's Mom

anny@familybri… Thu, 01/05/2023 - 12:11

Jan 5, 2023

Having a child who loves being an athlete and who enjoys almost anything to do with sports is such a blessing, yet is sometimes a challenge. Sports can teach us so many life skills and lessons such as how to work together toward a common goal, enjoy individual and team success, manage stress and accept
disappointment. Through sports, one also learns skills such as time management, discipline, respect, how to work hard toward an individual and team goal, toughness, cooperation, sportsmanship, how to make friends, problem-solving skills and character. Sports also help us develop healthy habits of having fun while exercising. Sports can be so exciting or so heart breaking, just as life can be.

As a parent, here are some suggestions.

Watch as many of your children’s sporting events as you are able. I will never regret the hundreds of hours I spent watching my son practice and play in games over the years, as well as shooting baskets with him in the driveway or catching the football. I do regret the big game that I missed in 7th grade because I was working, as the team managed to win a close game against their archrival. (My son still mentions the excitement of that game but I was not there.)
Do not worry about how neat your house or yard is, if all the errands are finished, or if a fancy dinner is prepared. Make the sports activities a priority, for your own sake and the sake of your children. They will remember if their parents were at their game, not if the floor was spotless, the furniture dusted or they ate a 3-course dinner.
Listen to your children share their excitement about their sport activities, even if you do not understand it all. When my son and husband talk about basketball strategy, I do not understand some of it but I am always learning, asking questions and showing interest, because they love it so much. Guess what? The more I know, the more I love it too, the strategy of it all and because it is their passion.
As a parent, when you are upset with a coach or referee, keep it to yourself. My son once told me that when parents yell criticisms during the game, it is embarrassing and distracting to the players. As the wife of a coach it is so hard on the coach when parents are negative, angry or critical. I have heard there is a shortage of coaches and referees these days, mainly due to how parents act toward them.
Remember that coaches and referees are doing their best, no one is perfect, and if you think you could do a better job, then do it yourself. You will see it is not easy.

Soon I will be so sad that my son’s organized sports journey will be over, as he is a senior in high school. I will miss the hours in the car with him driving to practice and games when he was younger, the highs and lows of the games, watching him and his team succeed and make mistakes, navigating disappointments and all of our adventures together over the years. I hope my son always knows and treasures that his parents are his #1 fans, in sports and as he ventures through this journey of life.

by Christine Zielinski

mothers

teenagers

parenting

Language English

La Ausencia de Padres y La Guerra

Sara — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 13:55:56 +0000

Father Absence and the War

Sara Sat, 03/19/2022 - 09:16

Mar 17, 2022

A grave reality of the Ukraine-Russia conflict is the fragmentation of the family. Reports indicate that the majority of refugees are mothers and children. What will become of this generation of children who have had to flee?

During this International Women's Month, we see the images of the courage of so many mothers who embark on a new journey with their children. It is something that many in our Hispanic communities can relate to---fleeing violence frequently caused by drug traffickers in their native countries.

It's one of the reasons so many have identified with the Disney movie, Encanto. The film begins with a couple and their town fleeing before the violence that suddenly interrupts their dreams, steals their security, and breaks their community. But in the midst of so much pain, hope breaks through and a peculiar new house is born where the family can grow. The story begins with a father's violent separation from his family due to impending violence and continues to show a positive role for fathers. While the daughters grow up and form their own families, the fathers prove to be attentive, loving, responsible, protective, and attentive.

The father's role in the home is of monumental importance! In North America, there is a crisis of fatherlessness. According to the U.S. Census, 18.4 million children, 1 in 4, live without their biological father or an adoptive father in the home. The absence of fathers is a factor in almost all social problems today. Children without the presence of a father face the following odds:

are four times more likely to experience poverty,
young women are seven times more likely to have a baby before marriage,
are more likely to experience abuse and neglect,
are more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs, and
are more likely to go to jail.

These statistics shed light on the importance of an active father's role in his children's lives.

As you pray for Ukraine and Russia, I invite you to also pray for the families that have been abruptly broken. Let us pray that the Lord protects the hearts, souls, and minds of vulnerable children and mothers in the face of so much pain and affliction. And so too, let us pray for the parents in our Hispanic community.

Dad---take responsibility as a leader in your home. Love your children by being present in their lives. Forgive the abuse, the trauma, and the pain that you may have survived in your childhood and adolescence, and decide to write a new chapter in your life and in the lives of your children.

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

parenting

Language English

What Am I Passing On to My Kids: A Gift or Baggage?

fbusacmsadmin — Wed, 26 Mar 2014 16:12:38 +0000

What Am I Passing On to My Kids: A Gift or Baggage?

fbusacmsadmin Wed, 03/26/2014 - 11:12

Mar 26, 2014

What specific character traits, positive or negative, did you learn from your mother? What about your father? How are you most like your grandmother or grandfather? Answering these questions will show you what traits you received from previous generations. All of us, whether we want it or not, have received a gift from our progenitors. These gifts can turn into a beautiful heritage or into useless, heavy, and burdensome baggage. In the same way, we also pass down gifts or baggage to our own children. How willing are we to sacrifice something today for the benefit of our children’s tomorrow? The answer to this question will determine what exactly we are going to be passing on to them – a gift or a burdensome baggage.

Whether we want to admit it or not, children are not as resilient as we want them to be when coping with complicated problems passed down to them by the adults in their lives. They will forever carry scars from emotional wounds received. The scars left behind are there to remind them of the lasting effects of the decisions taken by their parents. In her book, based on her 25 year study of divorce children, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, Judith Wallerstein writes about how children are not that resilient as we once thought and how divorce leaves them struggling for a lifetime.

But divorce is only one of the decisions we make today that may end up leaving our children carrying the baggage of the previous generation. There are infinite decisions we make daily that over time also impact our children’s future and their view of the world.

Let’s take, for example, the parent that always gives in to the child that makes up excuses for not completing his homework and blames his teachers for his academic failures. What do you think those decision would have on that child’s educational goals or his ability to be a productive and successful student? I think after a short while that parent would discover that their child is becoming lazy, irresponsible, and is developing a negative attitude or view of the world. But even after the parent has observed some of the negative implications of their decisions, they continue to allow their child to engage in the blame game and start demanding less on their report cards because after all, blaming a teacher is easier than dealing with the underlying character flaws developing in that child. The other way requires tough choices and hard work on the part of the parent and the child.

We seek to do what feels good to us. We have an incredible capacity for justifying our actions and a rebellious attitude towards those who criticize our choices. When someone raises a concern, we write them off as meddling busybodies that have no business telling us what to do. If, however, we want to pass down the gift of productivity, or honesty or perseverance, or whatever other gift we want to pass down to our children, we must make some changes. Those changes can only be implemented if we become mindful of all those minute-by-minute decisions we make in regards to our children that one day will end up being a gift or baggage.

Our easy fixes and enabling actions may end up limiting our children for the rest of their lives. So let’s try to decrease the times we take the easy way out. I’m not suggesting that we will always be the super hero parents that never give in or make mistakes. But I am encouraging you to be the parent that knows that sacrifices do count. Let’s be generous as we pass down a legacy to our kids that they can be proud of. But let’s not be fooled into thinking that passing down that legacy will be easy. That kind of generosity many times means self-denial and self-correction. It means that we have to set aside what we want or put on hold the pursuit of some of our desires for the well-being of our little ones. I don’t think we will regret having made those temporary sacrifices for their well-being.

When someone asks our children, where did you learn to be so courageous? Let the answer be: “My mom is the most courageous woman I know”. Or if someone asks them: Who taught you to have such good work habits? Let the answer be: “My dad never complained about his job and always told me how lucky I was that I could get a great education”. Passing down good character traits to our children is the best way to share our legacy with the entire world. Let’s not load our little ones down with baggage. Instead, let’s be intentional in filling their arms with bountiful gifts that will extend to a thousand generations.

by Eva Fleming

Language English

Cuatro consejos para enseñarles a nuestros hijos a ser agradecidos

Sara — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 19:31:32 +0000

Four tips to teach children to be grateful

Sara Mon, 11/16/2020 - 07:48

Nov 3, 2016

Over dinner, my 11-year-old daughter said to me, "Mom, I need a cell phone. I was thinking about the iPhone 6, but I like the iPhone 7 too." Her statement amused me, and although my immediate, knee-jerk reaction was a resounding "NO", I took the opportunity to teach her a basic finance principle. I asked her, "Do you need a phone, or do you want a phone?" To which she responded, "Need!" with firm conviction. Dinner ended with a good conversation where we talked about the difference between "I want" and "I need."

Parents, many times we ask ourselves: "Why are my children not happy with what they have?"; "Why do they have this unquenchable desire for more?"; "Why are they so ungrateful?" Wanting and desiring things is part of our human nature. We have basic impulses, and one of them is to acquire. The basic desire of wanting more isn't always a bad thing. It's what makes us curious about our world. It fuels our ambitions and makes us passionate about life. But if we leave this urge alone and make no attempt to control it, it can lead to unhappiness and a lack of satisfaction in life. This is what we see in our children: the urge to acquire in its purest form. As parents, our job is to channel their desires, helping them achieve balance by not giving them everything.

How can we help our young children and adolescents have a balanced life? Teach them to be grateful. Here are four tips to help you teach your children to be thankful.

Teach them the value of money

A practical and affordable way to teach your children the value of money is to take them shopping with you. By pointing out the price of things and comparing them with others, they will learn to decipher between expensive and cheap.

If your children are already in their pre-adolescence and adolescence years, you can involve them in creating the monthly household budget, where they can see the cost of rent, food, cars, school, etc. At these ages, you can also give them a weekly allowance. Explain that they will need to budget wisely, spending first on the most necessary things.

If they run out of money early, DO NOT replenish it, so they learn to spend money wisely.

Teach them to work for the things they want and don't necessarily need

From a young age, children must learn the value of hard work and that if you really want something, you need to put in the effort, show dedication and have patience and perseverance.

Work is precisely that: a constant show of effort, dedication, patience, and perseverance that only pays off only with time. You can teach this principle to your children by giving them household chores according to their age and abilities. As they grow, their responsibilities should increase. They need to know that no one else will do it for them if they forget or choose not to do it, and that not doing it will keep them from getting something they want. If your teen wants to work a few hours, as long as it doesn't get in the way of their school schedules, allow it. This will teach them responsibility, and they will learn that money does not grow on trees. They'll also learn that material things have value.

Teach them the value of giving

When our goal is to teach our children to be grateful, we must instill in them the desire to give. We must talk with our kids about the importance of sharing and being generous, and having empathy for others who are less fortunate. But it is, even more important, that as parents, we model the desire to give.

Involve your family in a community event where they can serve, donate clothes and shoes, or give money to help others. There are many hospitals, non-profit organizations, schools, churches, humanitarian organizations, etc., that provide many opportunities to serve and give.

Control your own urges to give your children everything they ask for

The wish of every parent is for their child to be better off than them. That can easily be confused with giving them everything they couldn't have when they were children. A culture of giving without limits creates ungrateful children.

We're living in a world where we are constantly consuming content, seeing false perfection, and being sold on the idea that we need more and more things. Now more than ever, parents need to step in and counteract this negative social and media influence. You have to set limits. Avoid "drowning" your children in toys, clothes, and things. Be careful not to give them more technology than they need. A simple life, almost always, is a fuller life.

Not having everything helps our children focus on what matters most, like friends and family, instead of yearning for things that — in reality — are not essential for their happiness.

Less is more.

by Damaris Alfaro

gratitude

children

parenting

Language English

Parenting Tips to Preserve Summer Sanity

Sara — Tue, 16 Jul 2019 12:33:06 +0000

Parenting Tips to Preserve Summer Sanity

Sara Tue, 07/16/2019 - 07:33

Jul 20, 2021

Summer is a time to take a pause from the overcrowded academic schedule and reset our priorities. The relaxed pace is welcomed by most. Even parents who work, and have to drop off their children at daycare, enjoy the ease of the warm evenings without having to worry about homework. Summer brings its challenges, however. I recently saw a meme of a parent panhandling for summer with a sign that read, “I have a job!! It’s just summer, and my kids are at home, and they won’t stop eating!” Here are a few ideas that may help you find a nice balance that can help you preserve sanity during the summer months:

Don’t fall into the busy trap

Your children don’t have to be entertained by you every second of the day. They are quite capable of entertaining themselves. Children can only hone their skills when they are extra bored and have nothing better to do. My boys love music. They often leave all the challenging pieces they have wanted to learn for summer when they have time to dedicate to it. They walk away from it when they are frustrated and go back to it when they feel they’ve cooled down enough. If you are filling up their time too much, you will never see them grow as they struggle through the things that matter to them.

Let kids sleep in

Most children don’t get an adequate amount of sleep during the school year, and summer provides them a chance to catch up on the most needed rest. Their growing bodies crave it. Sleep promotes growth, and it also affects weight. Children crave higher-fat or carbs food when they are tired. Tired children also tend to be more sedentary. Sleep has many benefits for children, so while on vacation don’t get things started at 7:00 am like a regular school day. Allow for a little extra sleep, and enjoy your coffee in peace.

Set up a schedule

Set up a schedule so children are fruitfully occupied but not hurried. Write it down, make a chart, put it somewhere everyone can see it. Stick to it while allowing flexibility - it is summer time after all.

Set aside a time for reading

Reading for school assignments is not the same as reading for fun. Children, as well as adults, do what they find pleasurable. The capacity of a child to immerse in a story, visualize details in the plot, and relate to the characters in the story can create long hours of pleasure; not to mention how smart they are becoming. Studies have shown that good readers unknowingly even strengthen their mathematical skills. Go figure!

Teach them how to do new chores

Every summer, you want to take the time to add a new chore to their repertoire. Show them how to do something new to help with the household every year. Remind them that as they grow older, they need to learn how to become more independent. The goal is that one day they will be capable of managing their households alone, like a boss!

Take them outside and insist they exercise

It is recommended that children and teens get a minimum of 60 minutes of vigorous exercise a day. Summer is the easiest time to accomplish this goal because every child loves scootering, swimming, riding bikes and playing sports indoors and outdoors. In addition to the usual physical benefits of exercise, active kids are less likely to experience bouts of depression and anxiety. Moving around improves mental health. That is a fact!

Encourage them to be creative

Creativity is more of a skill than an inborn talent. Summer is a great time to learn to draw, play music, dance, create science experiments, write, learn to recite poetry, serve the people around them, etc.

Savor your time with your children during the summer months, cuddle, read together, play, enjoy and for God’s sake, stop worrying!

by Eva Fleming

parenting

Summer

Language English

Speaking Their Love Language

Sara — Mon, 09 Nov 2020 15:11:21 +0000

Speaking Their Love Language

About this episode

Children express and receive love in different ways. Knowing their love language will not only have a profound impact on your relationship and connection, but will also has help them feel unconditionally loved, accepted, heard and understood.

Sara Mon, 11/09/2020 - 09:11

https://soundcloud.com/familybridgesusa/speaking-their-love-language-feat-bill-…

Soundcloud Embed

9 November 2020

Bill Ferrell GRIP Outreach for Youth

Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D. Founder & CEO

Omar Ramos Host

Veronica Avila Co-Host

Podcast Series

The Struggle is Real: Modern Parenting

Additional Info

TOOLS

The Struggle is Real podcast is based off the book, The Struggle is Real: Parenting in the 21st Century written by Dr. Alicia La Hoz & Dr. Paul Meier.

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5 Things You Can Do to not Drive the Teacher Crazy on the First Week of School

savannah — Tue, 30 Jul 2019 11:33:01 +0000

5 Things You Can Do to not Drive the Teacher Crazy on the First Week of School

savannah Tue, 07/30/2019 - 06:33

Jul 30, 2019

Pretty soon summer vacation will be over, and children from all over the world will put on their newly purchased clothes and sneakers and head back to school. Here are some things you can do so you and your child don’t drive the teacher crazy.

Follow the drop-off and pick up rules

For some reason, parents don’t like to follow the safety procedures the school has established for drop-off. They either drop off their kids outside on the curve, or they get out of the car and insist on walking their children to class every day. I shouldn’t have to tell you that all those adults without credentials shouldn’t be walking around a school. It’s just not safe! Remember to put away your cell phone when you are dropping off or picking up your child. I’ve witnessed no less than four bumper hits and near misses of little humans, this year and I wasn’t even out there every day! Rules about security, parking, and drop-off are there for a reason. Follow them and stop complaining about them.

Read the school instructions

Read the school instructions for the first day of school and all subsequent communication from the school. Don’t ignore information from school and then complain that you don’t know what’s going on. I had a parent last year who was angry because she was never informed about the promotion ceremony for kindergarten. I told her that she was welcome to talk to the teacher but not to forget to check her child’s backpack and her phone as our school sends information via actual newsletters, email, phone messages, texts, Facebook and Twitter. Schools are especially careful to send instructions for the first week of school, so read them.

Get the correct school supplies

Send your child to school with the supplies that are on the list and don’t put your children’s name on the supplies unless otherwise asked to. Sending children with trapper keepers and things teachers didn’t request is puzzling and a huge waste of money. Buy the brand of crayons the teacher asked for and resist buying the cheapest ones at the dollar store. These things need to last all year, and some brands are so cheap that they won’t make it to the end of the week. They are great for restaurants to pass out with the children’s menu but terrible for 180 days of use. If teachers asked you to send your child with a water bottle or an extra set of clothes to leave in the classroom in case of an emergency, do it.

Be kind, not sarcastic

Make every effort not to be sarcastic with the school staff or with your student’s teacher when you feel overwhelmed. The first day of school is stressful for the administration, and it can be easy to answer with sarcasm or anger when you find out that your student didn’t get the teacher you requested, the teacher has a rule you don’t agree with, or your child and his best friend got separated and no longer have the same teacher. Contrary to popular belief, teachers don’t have the entire summer off. They are usually working on lesson plans for the next school year or taking the required courses they need to keep up their certification - at their own expense. So, don’t greet them on the first of school with the usual “at least you had the summer off” snarky comment. Thank them for their hard work and never use sarcasm with a teacher.

Attend parent orientations

Make every effort to go to the parent orientation meeting at the beginning of the year. Your student’s education is a partnership. The school can’t accomplish much if parents are not full participants of their student’s education. During orientation you get to know their teachers, see the classroom your student will spend six hours of their day, ask questions, meet other parents, learn class procedures and expectations and get an idea of the class schedule for your student, etc. Teachers spend a great deal of time preparing for that initial meeting. Don’t blow them off. Being on the same page will only enhance your student’s education experience.

Teachers have 20 to 30 students to deal with, don’t add to their already stressful first week of school. Follow those five simple suggestions and become a teacher’s favorite; one of those parents that teachers adore.

by Eva Fleming

school

parenting

children

Language English

Five tips to help teach your kids Spanish

savannah — Mon, 14 Oct 2019 09:56:41 +0000

Five tips to help teach your kids Spanish

savannah Mon, 10/14/2019 - 04:56

Oct 14, 2019

I was born in Mexico, raised in California up until I turned 9, that’s when my parents decided to move back to Mexico, and that is where I learned to speak Spanish. Before we moved to Mexico, I did not speak any Spanish. I don’t even know how I communicated with my dad, as he doesn’t speak that much English. The first year I lived in Mexico, I did not know, let alone speak, any Spanish. But since I had no other choice, the Spanish language just came to me. Being surrounded by Spanish speakers all day every day isn't the only one way to learn Spanish, but it is the best way.

Send your kids to a Spanish speaking country

Do what my parents did. Sending me to Mexico was a great idea. In Mexico, I had no other choice than to try to speak Spanish, because that was the only way to communicate. I think it would be great to send your kids with a relative you trust to a Spanish speaking language for a month or so. It’s one way to learn Spanish, but it also allows your kids to get in touch with their roots and their culture.

In the house, speak Spanish

Make your kids speak Spanish in the house and let them know you won’t understand them if they speak English. Make sure to stick to it. House rule: En Casa Se Habla Español. This rule might seem obvious, parents are the source of cultural knowledge, so if you slide on this, then you can’t be too upset that they don’t speak Spanish. We asked around the Family Bridges office to see how everyone taught their kids Spanish when we realized that most of the kids don’t speak Spanish.

Work in a Spanish speaking environment

If they are old enough, have them work or volunteer in a place where they need to speak Spanish. Shameless plug, but Family Bridges is always looking for volunteers during our events. Or it can be something as simple as volunteering at retirement homes. They can always use help, especially if you can speak even just a little Spanish.

Watch Spanish cartoons

When I was in Mexico, high-end ladies would put English speaking cartoons to their children so they would learn English, and it really did help. I think it’s a good idea to put Spanish speaking cartoons to our children. Now it is much easier. Almost all movies and cartoons have the option to set the audio in Spanish. Changing the audio doesn’t have to be every movie or tv show that they watch, but doing it every once in a while can make a difference.

Make your children feel proud of their roots and language

If you regularly speak to your children the importance of speaking two languages (especially Spanish), they will feel motivated to speak it. Talk to them about their roots, the beautiful culture they have, make them feel proud of their lineage. It will always be a part of who they are, so why not take the time to show them the beauty of their culture?

Making sure that your kids can speak Spanish can seem daunting. There might not be a ‘how-to guide’ on teaching your kids a second language (there probably is), but the key is just surrounding your child with Spanish. Immerse them in their culture. Maybe you need to send them to some family for a few weeks or switching some movies to Spanish. Whatever route you do decide to take, stick to it. Consistency in anything helps, but more so when learning a second language.

by Savannah Gonzalez

culture

children

parenting

Language English

parenting

When AI Meets the Heart: Virtue and Attachment in the Era of AI

​​From Utility to Intimacy: The Evolving Role of AI

Wired for Relationship: Understanding Attachment

Digital Cravings: The Allure and Cost of Constant Stimulation

Anchored Within: The Role of the Nervous System in Emotional Balance

Virtue in the Valley: How Trials Shape the Soul

From Intention to Identity: Building a Life That Flourishes

Toward a Thoughtful Use of AI

3 Steps for Parents: Guiding Kids Through the Era of AI

1. Set Healthy Boundaries Between Tool and Companion

2. Model Emotional Connection and Spiritual Discernment

3. Nurture Virtue and Resilience Through Real Relationships

The Role of Fathers in Shaping Lives: Lessons from Literature

Diary of an Athlete's Mom

La Ausencia de Padres y La Guerra

What Am I Passing On to My Kids: A Gift or Baggage?

Cuatro consejos para enseñarles a nuestros hijos a ser agradecidos

Teach them the value of money

Teach them to work for the things they want and don't necessarily need

Teach them the value of giving

Control your own urges to give your children everything they ask for

Parenting Tips to Preserve Summer Sanity

Don’t fall into the busy trap

Let kids sleep in

Set up a schedule

Set aside a time for reading

Teach them how to do new chores

Take them outside and insist they exercise

Encourage them to be creative

Speaking Their Love Language

TOOLS

Feel this, feel that

Raising the brainy child

Play by play of a child's brain

Childhood stress is a thing

5 Things You Can Do to not Drive the Teacher Crazy on the First Week of School

Follow the drop-off and pick up rules

Read the school instructions

Get the correct school supplies

Be kind, not sarcastic

Attend parent orientations

Five tips to help teach your kids Spanish

Send your kids to a Spanish speaking country

In the house, speak Spanish

Work in a Spanish speaking environment

Watch Spanish cartoons

Make your children feel proud of their roots and language

From Utility to Intimacy: The Evolving Role of AI