emotions

A Clue

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 04 Mar 2025 17:07:48 +0000

A Clue

anny@familybri… Tue, 03/04/2025 - 11:07 Mar 4, 2025

As a child, I was captivated by the magic of Saturday morning cartoons, especially the timeless antics of Tom and Jerry. For those who might not know, this classic animated series showcases the relentless pursuit of a clever mouse by a hapless cat. The rivalry between Tom, the cat, and Jerry, the mouse, fuels a whirlwind of chaotic adventures, each more daring than the last. You can almost feel Tom's frustration with every failed attempt to catch Jerry, driving him to concoct even more intricate and risky schemes.

Have you ever felt the sting of frustration, like chasing a dream only to be met with roadblocks of rejection or disappointment? Every day, we face moments that test our patience—whether it's being cut off in traffic or sidelined by a colleague or loved one. So, how do we handle these bottled-up emotions?

Often, we turn to what psychologists call defense mechanisms. Our creativity shines through in the myriad ways we cope, from denial and distraction to humor and rationalization.

While these strategies can help us navigate life's challenges, we may miss out on some clues that can help us avoid repeating a type of Tom and Jerry chase in our own relationships.

Much like the intriguing game of Clue, where each hint unravels a mystery, if we pause and pay attention, our emotions can provide helpful hints, revealing the fundamental values that shape our actions and reactions.

Recently, I discovered just how transformative these insights can be for leaders. During a Bridges XL Leadership workshop I recently facilitated with participants at Convey Health Solutions in South Florida (pictured above), it became clear that among all the strategies we explored, the ADKAR model stood out for its remarkable clarity and effectiveness, resonating powerfully with everyone involved. One participant commented:

“I can use the model to prevent and address issues I face."

The Adkar model, a framework crafted by Jeff Hiatt nearly two decades ago, addresses a critical challenge in organizational change: the disconnect employees often feel when they don't grasp the significance of embracing change or the steps to implement it effectively. As new initiatives roll out, it's not uncommon to witness a spectrum of emotional responses—fear, anxiety, frustration, confusion, and resistance. These reactions, whether observed in yourself or others, serve as vital indicators of the competencies that need attention within your organization. For instance, frustration may stem from a lack of confidence or training, or from feeling that one's skills are being tested. The Adkar model offers a comprehensive 5-step roadmap—Awareness, Desire, Knowledge, Ability, and Reinforcement—to navigate and work through the complexities of change.

The model is one, of many, that when utilized consistently helps leaders sort through an emotionally charged environment when implementing change or even when addressing the challenges teams face.

You don't need to be at the helm of a company or lead a team to unlock the potential of tools such as this one.

Imagine you're a parent aiming to instill better organizational habits in your teenager. This model can help you navigate the inevitable resistance or pushback.

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, whether at home or work, emotions run high. People often carry the weight of frustration, fear, and anxiety.

Wanting to be helpful, we tend to respond with a barrage of advice and solutions, overlooking the emotional core. By first being curious, truly listening to the heart, we can offer support and comfort that resonates deeply. And when we understand why they are upset, we can make our guidance more impactful.

By understanding your emotions and noticing the emotions of others—and what fuels them—you can navigate your responses in a way that is fruitful, positioning yourself to inspire and guide others effectively.

Know Your Triggers: Learn about emotional dysregulation or what are commonly called “triggers.” Some examples, are noted below:

Being micromanaged
Harsh criticism
Overthinking situations
Distrust in others
Confrontations
Feeling undervalued
Questioned about your competency

Know Your Physical Signs:

Racing heartbeat
Shallow or rapid breath
Tightened jaw or fist
Excessive perspiration

Notice Your Typical Reactions

Argumentative
Dismissing others viewpoints
Being silent or withdrawn
Blaming

What are your emotional triggers?

What have you noticed are your typical physical signs and reactions?

Learn more about how to harness your emotions by checking out our FACE model, described in our Growth program. The FACE model is another tool that you can lean on to help you manage tension and have a better understanding of emotions.

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

leadership

emotions

stress

Language English

The Things We Choose to Hear

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 04 Mar 2025 15:57:58 +0000

The Things We Choose to Hear

anny@familybri… Tue, 03/04/2025 - 09:57 Mar 4, 2025

My neighbor Marissa once shared a story about her father that has stayed with me ever since.

Her father was hard of hearing, and whenever he went to the doctor, Marissa would ask him, "What did the doctor say?"

His response? "I don’t know, I couldn’t hear anything."

And just like that, he went on with his day, unbothered. He lived another ten years.

At first, it made me laugh—what a way to handle life, right? But the more I sat with his words, the more I realized the quiet wisdom in them.

He couldn’t hear the bad news, so it never had the power to define how he thought, how he lived, or how much time he had left.

It made me wonder: How much of what we "hear" shapes the way we live?

We absorb so much of what others say about us—often without even realizing it. A rejection, a shameful comment, a careless remark—they become louder than the truth. And though we try to silence those voices, they have a way of creeping back in, whispering doubt, feeding fear, clouding our perspective.

Before we know it, we start living not by what is real, but by what we fear.

I’m not saying we should ignore reality, but what if we were more intentional about what we allow to take root in our hearts? What if we filtered out the noise—the assumptions, the negativity, the lies—and instead, chose to amplify what brings life, hope, and purpose?

How different would our lives be if we chose that instead? If we trained our minds and hearts to lean into what is true, instead of what is limiting?

We can’t control the world or the people around us, but we can control what we absorb, believe, and respond to.

We can choose to let negativity fog up our vision, or we can decide to see through the lens of truth, grace, and possibility.

Maybe Marissa’s father was onto something. Maybe, sometimes, not hearing the bad news gives us permission to keep living fully.

What are you choosing to hear today?

#Reflections #MindsetMatters #ChooseWisely #FaithOverFear

by Omaira Gonzalez

attitude

emotions

anxiety

stress

Language English

Family & Mixed Election Experiences: Hope vs. Heartache

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Wed, 06 Nov 2024 22:22:10 +0000

Family & Mixed Election Experiences: Hope vs. Heartache

anny@familybri… Wed, 11/06/2024 - 16:22 Nov 6, 2024

As the dust settles from the 2024 Presidential campaign, you might find yourself waking up on Tuesday morning either brimming with optimism or weighed down by disappointment.

This landmark election saw unprecedented voter turnout, reflecting the deep commitment Americans felt towards shaping their future. It was an emotional rollercoaster that tugged at the nation's heartstrings. Consequently, social media was a whirlwind of emotions, with some friends celebrating and others enveloped in sorrow.

What impact does this have on our households? Did families rally together in support of a single party, or were there divides between parents and their children, aunts, and uncles? Even if your nuclear family generally agrees on political matters, you might still find yourself clashing with extended family or friends.

With such intense feelings in the air, how do we navigate these emotions and prepare for the upcoming Thanksgiving Holiday or cherished family gatherings?

If you are finding yourself dealing with the whiplash of the election and it is spilling into your living room, you may not be alone.

As you navigate the evolving political climate with your family in the coming weeks and months, pause and take inventory of how you are showing up. Answer the following questions first before you burn the relational bridges that matter the most.

1. Where Is Your Heart?

In the art of communication, aligning with another's emotions is crucial, yet challenging when you're on opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. If you're feeling optimistic about what's ahead, it might be hard to open your heart to someone else's experience without dismissing it outright. Conversely, if you're grappling with disappointment, resentment and anger can cloud your ability to engage with others' viewpoints and ideas.

When disappointment strikes, it’s often because our dreams and expectations have veered off course from reality. On the flip side, celebrating a victory fuels our optimism, as our aspirations have not only been realized but surpassed.

Life's major disappointments can serve as pivotal turning points, offering a unique opportunity for growth. However, In moments of disappointment, some channel their dissatisfaction outward, blaming others for unmet expectations, which can breed resentment and bitterness.

Reflect on the emotions stirring within your heart. Identify your fears, jot them down, and seek solace in reflection or prayer. Unacknowledged, these feelings can seep out, turning words into sharp, unintended weapons that wound those around you.

On the flip side, if you're riding a wave of hope and excitement, be mindful of how your enthusiasm might overshadow the need to pause, truly listen, and empathize with others' frustrations. Embrace curiosity about their stories and experiences.

2. What Is Your Disposition?

Each of us is uniquely wired, shaping how we react to life's twists and turns. Last month, I delved into the fascinating ways our personalities influence our responses. Perhaps you're the type who calls it like it is, making bold decisions with confidence, guided by intuition and experience. When faced with setbacks, you don't shy away; instead, you tackle challenges head-on, turning obstacles into opportunities. If you find yourself acting on impulse, especially when emotions run high, you might have moved on swiftly from the elections without a second thought.

However, if you're someone who tends to ponder every detail, weighing options and considering future implications, you might find yourself dwelling on the decision. In this scenario, it's crucial to set boundaries on media consumption and external influences to prevent becoming emotionally overwhelmed.

3. What are Your Values?

Reflect on what truly matters to you and hold your core values close. If family and loved ones top your list, ask yourself if proving a point is worth risking those precious bonds. Choosing family means setting aside disputes and fostering an environment of grace, love, and forgiveness. Embrace a mindset of curiosity and understanding towards others.

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

arguments

communication

compromise

conflict

emotions

extended family

Holiday

Language English

Dealing with Unwanted Guests

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Thu, 04 Apr 2024 22:46:35 +0000

Dealing with Unwanted Guests

anny@familybri… Thu, 04/04/2024 - 17:46 Apr 4, 2024

Have you ever found yourself unexpectedly hosting an unwelcome guest? Perhaps they lingered longer than you anticipated, casting a shadow over your home and your peace of mind. I vividly recall such an encounter, when a guest unexpectedly arrived at my doorstep. Unprepared and lacking the space to accommodate such a visitor, I did my best to entertain them and listen to their tales. However, as time passed, this guest’s presence grew more oppressive, filling my home with negativity and uncertainty about the future.

Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, I confided in a trusted friend, who wisely advised me to show this guest the door. Recognizing the toxic influence it was having on my life, I made the courageous decision to evict this guest, named Doubt, from my home. It was a moment of obedience to the guidance of my friend, Jesus, and it brought a profound shift in my perspective.

By removing Doubt from my life, I opened the door to God's faithfulness and witnessed His provision, miracles and grace in abundance. Letting go of Doubt allowed me to embrace a future filled with hope and confidence in His promises. Sometimes, evicting negative influences is the first step toward creating a space where faith and positivity can flourish.

From time to time, we may find ourselves facing unwelcome guests knocking on the doors of our hearts and minds—guests like Fear, Doubt, Anger, Anxiety, Sadness, Guilt, and others. Their sole aim is to distract us and pull us away from God's truth, leading us towards a hardened heart and further from His presence.

In dealing with these unwanted visitors, I've learned some valuable lessons:

Acknowledge: Instead of ignoring their presence, it's important to acknowledge that these feelings and emotions are there, residing in our hearts and minds, even if they are unwelcome. Recognizing their existence is the first step towards addressing them.
Courage: Reach out to someone you trust and confide in them about what you're experiencing. It may not be easy to discuss such matters, but sharing them with a trusted individual can shed light on our blind spots and provide clarity. Talking things through can help us understand where these emotions are coming from and how to navigate them effectively.
Decide: If these emotions serve no purpose in our lives and only bring negativity, it's crucial to work towards evicting them. Seek out healthy outlets such as mindfulness, journaling, exercise, or drawing closer to God through prayer and meditation. Make a conscious decision to challenge and correct negative thought patterns, replacing them with healthier ones that promote growth and peace.

Identifying and addressing these unwanted guests in our lives is essential for our emotional and spiritual well-being. By taking proactive steps to manage them, we can ensure they no longer have a foothold in our hearts and minds.

Reflection Questions:

Can you identify any recurring unwanted guests in your life, such as fear, doubt, or guilt? How do they manifest, and how do you plan to ensure they no longer have a foothold in your heart and mind?
Reflect on a moment when you confided in a trusted friend about a challenging situation. How did their advice or support help you navigate the issue?

by Omaira Gonzalez

faith

anxiety

emotions

Language English

Rough Morning

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Tue, 19 Mar 2024 19:27:54 +0000

Rough Morning

anny@familybri… Tue, 03/19/2024 - 14:27 Mar 19, 2024

Can anything else go wrong?

Ever had one of those mornings where even the coffee seems to be plotting against you? Picture this: I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a truck, and hobble over to the coffee maker. I go through the motions of brewing my morning elixir, only to realize I forgot the most crucial step: actually putting the cup under the Keurig. Result? A glorious waterfall of caffeine cascading down the counter. And just when I think it can't get any worse, I manage to spill the milk too. At this point, I'm seriously considering going back to bed and starting the day over. But then I notice something feels off—oh, right, my sweater's on backward. Classic. But hey, instead of letting these mishaps ruin my day, I decided to take a breather, read my devotion, and take some time to reflect and process.

What happened? Honestly, I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions, overwhelmed at a chaotic mix of goals, setbacks, tasks, and challenges. In this frenzy, I was merely going through the motions, avoiding being present. With all the mishaps, it became apparent that I needed to pause, to decelerate, and untangle the clutter within my mind. Achieving emotional balance became important. If not I risk letting the circumstances or challenges affect how I will treat others.

Four principles have helped me find balance. Firstly, I learned the importance of pausing to delve into my emotions. Why was I so distracted while making coffee? Instead of rushing, I discovered the power of understanding my feelings, which brings clarity and self-awareness. As silly as it may seem in the context of my coffee mishap, the reality is that at that moment, I was facing a decision with less than desirable outcomes.

Second step, I reflect on the story I've been telling myself. Many of our struggles stem from our thought patterns, so I'm cautious of negative narratives, assumptions, or perceptions. By monitoring my mindset, I minimize the chance of making decisions based on false perceptions that can reap negative consequences. So what narrative was I telling myself? The negative narrative I constructed revolved around the belief that the less desirable outcomes would stand in the way of my projects and slow me down.

Third step, I monitor myself and my conduct towards others. Am I expressing impatience with loved ones or colleagues? Do I manifest frustration through sighs or curt responses? Thinking about these actions makes me analyze myself, encouraging me to revisit my emotional path and find out what causes them. So how did I treat others in response to my coffee mishap? Luckily no one was around, but I could feel irritation creeping in. If I had not gone through this process, I might have ended up projecting that irritation onto others.

Lastly, I pay attention to how others interact with me. Do they avoid me? This observation gives me valuable clues about my emotional state. Are they pulling away or reflecting my tension? These insights guide my quest for emotional balance. Thankfully, when I had my coffee mishap, no one was there to see it, so I controlled my irritation before it escalated. But if I hadn't, others might have sensed my tension and irritation, possibly reacting with negative body language, tone, or avoiding me entirely.

This model, F.A.C.E., has been my northstar, guiding me to recognize my current emotional state and restoring balance when needed. Without it, I find myself reacting to simple errors like forgetting to place the coffee mug in the Keurig.

The F.A.C.E. model, taught in our GROWTH class, has resonated with diverse audiences, from staff, families, directors, couples, and parents alike. For those interested in delving deeper into this transformative framework, feel free to connect with us at omaira@familybridgesusa.org or alicia@familybridgesusa.org. You can also check out a sample of our GROWTH class by clicking here.

Reflection questions:

Have you ever experienced a morning like the one described? How did you handle it?
Which of the four lessons resonated with you the most, and why?
How do you usually react when you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed?

by Omaira Gonzalez

emotions

anger management

mental health

Language English

Unveiling the Heart: What I Learned About Love From Pumpkins

anny@familybridgesusa.org — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 22:58:31 +0000

Unveiling the Heart: What I Learned About Love From Pumpkins

anny@familybri… Fri, 10/13/2023 - 17:58 Oct 13, 2023

When my son first mentioned wanting to grow pumpkins, I had visions of rampant vines overrunning our yard. As a solution, we introduced trellises, hoping the pumpkins would be trained to wrap around them. Over the next months, I observed my son carefully tend to the pumpkins in starter beds, nourishing the soil and joyfully pointing out the first blooms. However, seeing a pumpkin hanging precariously stirred my concerns about its potential fall from its increasing weight. To address this, we fashioned several supports for the pumpkin. I still remember the radiant pride on my son's face as he beheld his fully grown pumpkin.

This memory returned to me while reading 1 Corinthians 13. Paul's sojourn in Corinth during his second missionary journey is well chronicled. This bustling port city, predominantly pagan, welcomed Paul for a year and a half as he shared the Gospel. While he began preaching at the synagogue, opposition led him to pivot to the Gentiles. Chapter 13, renowned as the "Love Chapter," builds upon Chapter 12's discussion of spiritual gifts. Paul provides both perspective and context amidst the church's emerging corruption.

In English, "love" is a multifaceted term, equally applicable to our fondness for chocolate or our deep bond with a friend. However, the Greeks had four nuanced words for love. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul refers to "agape" love, distinct from "eros" (romantic love) and "philia" (brotherly love). Found 106 times in the New Testament, including the pivotal John 3:16, "agape" represents God's sacrificial love that prompted Him to send His only son for mankind's redemption. It symbolizes a selfless, binding, and restorative love that is rooted in choice and expects no reciprocation.

Admittedly, this form of love is not instinctive for humans.

Upon revisiting 1 Corinthians 13, before delving into what love isn't, I pondered the initial qualities Paul attributes to love in verse 4: "Love is patient; love is kind."

Patience, or "long-suffering" in some translations, is the first descriptor for love.

Ever found joy in demonstrating restraint and resilience?

Everyone encounters their share of vexations with individuals or situations. Such aggravations can spiral into harmful reactions, even in intimate relationships. For instance, a spouse might get annoyed by the manner in which chores are done and opt to take over, or resent the other's pace in fulfilling household tasks.

If unchecked, this frustration can intensify into resentment, eventually degenerating into loathing or disdain. These sentiments might be rooted in deep-seated issues, past traumas, or accumulated conflicts. In extreme cases, they manifest as mental health challenges.

Yet, an alternative response exists—one marked by humility, forgiveness, and gratitude. Tragically, this doesn't come naturally to us either.

Considering Paul's assertive demeanor and achievements, I believe he understood this. Characterized as proactive, ambitious, and self-assured, he was a man of action. Such personalities often grapple with patience. An examination of Paul's life and works reveals his own lessons in endurance.

In over two decades of clinical sessions, workshops, and leadership engagements, I've recognized the importance of safeguarding one's heart against contempt. Managing the anxiety that sparks impulsive interference, unwarranted distress, and bitterness can avert much unnecessary turmoil.

We often intervene in others' responsibilities out of impatience. Yet, the subsequent resentment is misdirected at those we've supplanted. This cycle repeats with our children, colleagues, and others.

Truth be told, our patience often falters.

But Paul adds a caveat—it's not just about waiting but waiting with kindness. Mere endurance without kindness can breed negativity. True patience encompasses benevolence.

However, consistent kindness amidst adversity is challenging, especially if we're predisposed to negativity due to personal pain or external influences.

Yet, envision the transformation in our relationships if patience was complemented by kindness. This quality is intrinsic to God's nature. By drawing nearer to Him, we can begin to fathom genuine love. Only through His guidance can we truly exhibit and experience "agape" love. Our thoughts and reactions, as mentioned in 2 Corinthians 10:5, must align with His teachings.

Our response during trials is crucial.

By surrendering negative thoughts during adversities, we cultivate kindness.

This year, the pumpkins flourished once more, gracefully draping over the trellises. Interestingly, we didn't require any special supports. The pumpkins, along with their vines, matured in perfect harmony, capable of bearing their weight. Similarly, we too have innate resilience. Recognizing our role is vital—just as we aided the pumpkins' growth, we must also nurture our relationships. Setting boundaries and then stepping back allows for genuine growth.

The joy of witnessing the fruits of patience and kindness is unparalleled.

What insights have you gleaned from navigating the challenges of endurance?

by Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D.

love

relationships

faith

character

emotions

Language English

From Procrastination to Emotion Regulation

savannah — Tue, 20 Aug 2019 09:50:56 +0000

From Procrastination to Emotion Regulation

savannah Tue, 08/20/2019 - 04:50 Aug 20, 2019

Back-to-school season is upon us, and with it, all of the exhilaration, nerves, and busyness of a brand new school year. But if you’re a student, it isn’t long before the hype of a new school year starts to dwindle, and you begin to see the reality of a long-hard year of homework. If you’re anything like me, that means getting overwhelmed, burying your head in the sand, and praying that your work gets done without you. But if that doesn’t work, you figure you can get it done tomorrow, right? Sound familiar? If you can’t seem to kick your nasty habit of procrastination, here are some tips to help you on your journey of growth. Just kidding, the journey starts now.

Recognize the root of the problem

At its core, procrastination isn’t about being lazy, or a lack of discipline, or whatever other lies that crept into your head. We procrastinate because, for a variety of reasons, we haven’t developed the most effective ways to manage the powerful negative emotions associated with specific tasks. Thus, when faced with the anxiety and stress triggered by, say a daunting assignment, we cope by avoiding the event that triggers the anxiety (i.e., the assignment) rather than addressing the anxiety itself. In other words, procrastination is about emotion regulation. Understanding this is a pivotal first step toward initiating self-change because it helps us to zero in on the root problem and develop an appropriate action plan to address it.

Follow the trail of your negative emotions back to the thoughts and beliefs that caused them

This discipline takes practice, and it requires that you give yourself both the physical and mental space identify what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it. So, the second that the thought of avoiding a task pops into your head practice letting in. Don’t drown out the anxiety with Netflix, social media, or any other distraction. Instead, go for a jog to clear your mind. Write in a journal. Do whatever you need to do to give yourself the space to think it through. Ask yourself, “what is it about doing this thing that’s making me want to put it off?” Are you worried that you won’t do a good job? Does the thought of spending that much time on a task or assignment seems daunting? Is the task itself something you find inherently unpleasant? Do you have unrealistically high standards for yourself and avoid doing things that you can’t do perfectly? Don’t worry about solving anything in this step. Just try to understand why you feel the way you do.

Take baby steps

Once you’ve figured out why you’ve been procrastinating, replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. Give yourself a pep talk! Remind yourself of the times that you’ve faced similarly tough challenges and have overcome them. Acknowledge your anxieties but don’t allow them to rule the day. Remember that the only way to “eat an elephant” is one bite at a time. Take baby steps toward completing the task or assignment by breaking it up into smaller subtasks. Make a checklist of subtasks to be completed and cross them off as you work to remind yourself that you’re making progress. Start with easier assignments to gain confidence as you go. Trick yourself into overcoming that initial hurdle of beginning an assignment by giving yourself a time limit that feels manageable to you. For example, tell yourself you’re going to work on a project for only 30 minutes. At the end of the 30 minutes, you’ll likely find that the assignment wasn’t so bad after all and want to continue.

Practice self-compassion

Once you’ve followed all of these steps, and even before, give yourself some compassion. Recognize that overcoming deeply ingrained habits like procrastination takes time and you will make mistakes along the way. Treat yourself with the same grace and understanding that you would a dear friend. Challenge yourself, but remember that hiccups are inevitable. When you find yourself falling into old habits, recognize it, dust yourself off, and try again without giving in to the temptation to self-criticize. And just like that, you’ll find yourself taking the necessary steps to overcome procrastination. Before you know it, tackling assignments right away will become second nature to you. The journey from procrastination to regulation is a tough one, but it’s far from impossible. So why wait? The time to start tackling procrastination is now. You can do it!

by Anny Duran

school

emotions

Language English

Feel this, feel that

Sara — Fri, 28 Aug 2020 15:31:07 +0000

Feel this, feel that

About this episode

Helping your kids understand their emotions

Sometimes kids just don't know what they're feeling. Other times, they don't know how to deal with their emotions. In this podcast, our panel provides us with some helpful tips on how to help kids understand, express and deal with their feelings.

Sara Fri, 08/28/2020 - 10:31 https://soundcloud.com/familybridgesusa/feel-this-feel-that

Soundcloud Embed

28 August 2020

Maria Cornejo Garcia, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D. Founder & CEO

Omar Ramos Host

Veronica Avila Co-Host

Podcast Series

The Struggle is Real: Modern Parenting

Additional Info

TOOLS

The Struggle is Real podcast is based off the book, The Struggle is Real: Parenting in the 21st Century written by Dr. Alicia La Hoz & Dr. Paul Meier.

Podcast season

Nurture your child's heart & brain

Feel this, feel that

Helping your kids understand their emotions Sometimes kids just don't know what they're feeling. Other times, they don't know how to deal with their emotions...

Listen to Episode

Raising the brainy child

Are you a competitive parent? You may be using your children’s results to boost your parental ego and it’s doing more harm than good. Tune...

Listen to Episode

Play by play of a child's brain

Young children are deeply affected by their early experiences. So how do these experiences actually affect the way children's brains become "wired," building the architecture...

Listen to Episode

Childhood stress is a thing

Did you know that children may start to experience stress as early as 3-years old? Your child may not be learning or growing as he/she...

Listen to Episode

Speaking Their Love Language

Children express and receive love in different ways. Knowing their love language will not only have a profound impact on your relationship and connection, but...

Listen to Episode

Podcast Thumbnail

Go for their heart

Sara — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 15:07:00 +0000

Go for their heart

About this episode

You cannot appeal to a child's logic when they are overly emotional. You cannot change another’s heart, but you can control your own thoughts and behavior. When you are in an argument with your child, navigate to a calm place and explain your feelings, inviting the child to do the same. Ignoring the turbulent emotions of your child on a regular basis will not equip them to deal with their own emotions.

Sara Mon, 08/24/2020 - 10:07 https://soundcloud.com/familybridgesusa/follow-their-heart

Soundcloud Embed

24 August 2020

Rossana Sierra-Swiech, MA, LCPC Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D. Founder & CEO

Omar Ramos Host

Veronica Avila Co-Host

Podcast Series

The Struggle is Real: Modern Parenting

Additional Info

RECAP

When your child is clearly upset, put your reasons and logic on hold, and get down at their level. Recognize the feelings they are expressing and call those out. By doing so, you’ll give your child a vocabulary of emotions that they can draw on to describe how they are feeling about situations. Once they are able to express themselves clearly, and they calm down, they will be in a better place to listen to the advice, rules and expectations you want to go over with them. To help children own and understand their own feelings, though, it’s helpful to also work on recognizing these feelings for yourself as well. When you are able to understand and manage your own feelings, you’ll be able to help others work through theirs. As you recognize your child’s feelings, they will feel validated and instead of resisting, they will be more inclined to join you.

CONVERSATION

How does your emotional state of mind influence how you respond to your children's misbehavior?

THIS WEEK'S ACTION

Practice recognizing your children's feelings:

Example 1

Action: You see your child kick his sibling

Response: “You are upset right now. Go ahead and take a break in your room and we will talk some more about this after you cool off.”

Example 2

Action: Adolescent rolls his/her eyes at you

Response: “When you rolled your eyes at me, that was hurtful. You don’t care for what I have to say and it is disappointing to me that you don’t value my opinion or our rules.”

Example 3

Action: Child says, “I can’t do this.”

Response: “It can be frustrating for a moment when you feel stuck in a problem, like your homework.”

TOOLS

The following tools can help you along the way.

Go For The Heart - Kicking

Go For The Heart - I Can't Do This

Go For The Heart - Rolling Eyes

Go For The Heart - Task Completion

The Struggle is Real podcast is based off the book, The Struggle is Real: Parenting in the 21st Century written by Dr. Alicia La Hoz & Dr. Paul Meier.

Podcast season

Parent through motivation

Go for their passion

It is difficult to do something if our heart isn’t in it. Once our passion is activated, we find value in experiences and enjoy them...

Listen to Episode

Remember the hamburger

When we employ discipline tactics that counter our children’s motivation and passion, it can lead to frustration and exhaustion. When asking our children to do...

Listen to Episode

To bribe or not to bribe

Rewards just motivate people to get rewards. Bribing needs to escalate to maintain efficacy and will produce an attitude of entitlement. External motivation isn’t entirely...

Listen to Episode

Go for their heart

You cannot appeal to a child's logic when they are overly emotional. You cannot change another’s heart, but you can control your own thoughts and...

Listen to Episode

Appeal to their progress

Parents appeal to the progress of your children. Highlight the progress the child is making as a motivator to grow, and to demonstrate perseverance, patience...

Listen to Episode

Podcast Thumbnail

Having Resolve

Sara — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 22:19:40 +0000

Having Resolve

Sara Tue, 01/22/2019 - 16:19 Jan 19, 2021

My father suffered a massive stroke shortly after his 55th birthday. As a result, the right side of his body was completely paralyzed. After weeks in the hospital, followed by months of intense physical therapy and with the spiritual support of many colleagues around the world, he began to gain function of his body. In the beginning, he made a herculean effort to get out of bed alone, but gradually with the help of a cane and holding on to the walls for support he started ever so slowly to get from one place to the other. His determination was so intent that in less than a year he was tending to his garden, pruning his fruit trees, teaching and even driving.

The success my father had relearning every mundane task starting from zero, shows what scientists have known all along - that the brain is more malleable than previously thought and is capable of rebuilding itself even after having been damaged or after having lived through trauma.

Determination and resolve coupled with the ability of the brain, due to its plasticity, to change and adapt, is what we need to keep on keeping on, never giving up!

Modern studies have revealed how the brain continues to create new neuron pathways and altering the already existing ones to adapt to new experiences, learn new information and create new memories even in the face of insurmountable obstacles. This means that the person who refuses to give up can be successful even amid the challenges he or she is facing. When you want to conquer an obstacle, follow through on a resolution, or overcome a weakness, you can be certain that you are literally made out of a gray matter that is always renewing itself.

This ability the brain has to renew itself, conquer obstacles, learn new routines and even develop noble character is the understated miracle of humanity. This should bring not only pleasure to our lives but also prompt us to be immensely grateful. Even though we are saying it is a “miracle,” that doesn’t minimize the process of growth one has to go through and the stress that change inevitably brings: Everything that’s worth having is worth fighting for.

Here are some steps we recommend you follow when facing new challenges:

Accept your situation and embrace your challenge
Commit to getting the most out of the challenge and the process, learning the lessons it provides along the way
Consider your personal growth as a gift to humanity
Remind yourself that the initial frustration of learning something new is normal and it can be overcome
Surround yourself with people that can give you positive support
Don’t lose faith

My father was resolute in his pledge to get better after his stroke and I know that your challenge, even though it is probably different, is just as significant. Don’t get discouraged, find your compass, and get up every day with a renewed commitment until you accomplish what you have set out to do. The ability of the brain to perform great feats is tucked deep within you and tenacity is all you need to activate it.

by Eva Fleming

life

emotions

change

Individuality

mental health

Language English