children

What Am I Passing On to My Kids: A Gift or Baggage?

fbusacmsadmin — Wed, 26 Mar 2014 16:12:38 +0000

What Am I Passing On to My Kids: A Gift or Baggage?

fbusacmsadmin Wed, 03/26/2014 - 11:12 Mar 26, 2014

What specific character traits, positive or negative, did you learn from your mother? What about your father? How are you most like your grandmother or grandfather? Answering these questions will show you what traits you received from previous generations. All of us, whether we want it or not, have received a gift from our progenitors. These gifts can turn into a beautiful heritage or into useless, heavy, and burdensome baggage. In the same way, we also pass down gifts or baggage to our own children. How willing are we to sacrifice something today for the benefit of our children’s tomorrow? The answer to this question will determine what exactly we are going to be passing on to them – a gift or a burdensome baggage.

Whether we want to admit it or not, children are not as resilient as we want them to be when coping with complicated problems passed down to them by the adults in their lives. They will forever carry scars from emotional wounds received. The scars left behind are there to remind them of the lasting effects of the decisions taken by their parents. In her book, based on her 25 year study of divorce children, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, Judith Wallerstein writes about how children are not that resilient as we once thought and how divorce leaves them struggling for a lifetime.

But divorce is only one of the decisions we make today that may end up leaving our children carrying the baggage of the previous generation. There are infinite decisions we make daily that over time also impact our children’s future and their view of the world.

Let’s take, for example, the parent that always gives in to the child that makes up excuses for not completing his homework and blames his teachers for his academic failures. What do you think those decision would have on that child’s educational goals or his ability to be a productive and successful student? I think after a short while that parent would discover that their child is becoming lazy, irresponsible, and is developing a negative attitude or view of the world. But even after the parent has observed some of the negative implications of their decisions, they continue to allow their child to engage in the blame game and start demanding less on their report cards because after all, blaming a teacher is easier than dealing with the underlying character flaws developing in that child. The other way requires tough choices and hard work on the part of the parent and the child.

We seek to do what feels good to us. We have an incredible capacity for justifying our actions and a rebellious attitude towards those who criticize our choices. When someone raises a concern, we write them off as meddling busybodies that have no business telling us what to do. If, however, we want to pass down the gift of productivity, or honesty or perseverance, or whatever other gift we want to pass down to our children, we must make some changes. Those changes can only be implemented if we become mindful of all those minute-by-minute decisions we make in regards to our children that one day will end up being a gift or baggage.

Our easy fixes and enabling actions may end up limiting our children for the rest of their lives. So let’s try to decrease the times we take the easy way out. I’m not suggesting that we will always be the super hero parents that never give in or make mistakes. But I am encouraging you to be the parent that knows that sacrifices do count. Let’s be generous as we pass down a legacy to our kids that they can be proud of. But let’s not be fooled into thinking that passing down that legacy will be easy. That kind of generosity many times means self-denial and self-correction. It means that we have to set aside what we want or put on hold the pursuit of some of our desires for the well-being of our little ones. I don’t think we will regret having made those temporary sacrifices for their well-being.

When someone asks our children, where did you learn to be so courageous? Let the answer be: “My mom is the most courageous woman I know”. Or if someone asks them: Who taught you to have such good work habits? Let the answer be: “My dad never complained about his job and always told me how lucky I was that I could get a great education”. Passing down good character traits to our children is the best way to share our legacy with the entire world. Let’s not load our little ones down with baggage. Instead, let’s be intentional in filling their arms with bountiful gifts that will extend to a thousand generations.

by Eva Fleming

children

parenting

attitude

behavior

Language English

Cuatro consejos para enseñarles a nuestros hijos a ser agradecidos

Sara — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 19:31:32 +0000

Four tips to teach children to be grateful

Sara Mon, 11/16/2020 - 07:48 Nov 3, 2016

Over dinner, my 11-year-old daughter said to me, "Mom, I need a cell phone. I was thinking about the iPhone 6, but I like the iPhone 7 too." Her statement amused me, and although my immediate, knee-jerk reaction was a resounding "NO", I took the opportunity to teach her a basic finance principle. I asked her, "Do you need a phone, or do you want a phone?" To which she responded, "Need!" with firm conviction. Dinner ended with a good conversation where we talked about the difference between "I want" and "I need."

Parents, many times we ask ourselves: "Why are my children not happy with what they have?"; "Why do they have this unquenchable desire for more?"; "Why are they so ungrateful?" Wanting and desiring things is part of our human nature. We have basic impulses, and one of them is to acquire. The basic desire of wanting more isn't always a bad thing. It's what makes us curious about our world. It fuels our ambitions and makes us passionate about life. But if we leave this urge alone and make no attempt to control it, it can lead to unhappiness and a lack of satisfaction in life. This is what we see in our children: the urge to acquire in its purest form. As parents, our job is to channel their desires, helping them achieve balance by not giving them everything.

How can we help our young children and adolescents have a balanced life? Teach them to be grateful. Here are four tips to help you teach your children to be thankful.

Teach them the value of money

A practical and affordable way to teach your children the value of money is to take them shopping with you. By pointing out the price of things and comparing them with others, they will learn to decipher between expensive and cheap.

If your children are already in their pre-adolescence and adolescence years, you can involve them in creating the monthly household budget, where they can see the cost of rent, food, cars, school, etc. At these ages, you can also give them a weekly allowance. Explain that they will need to budget wisely, spending first on the most necessary things.

If they run out of money early, DO NOT replenish it, so they learn to spend money wisely.

Teach them to work for the things they want and don't necessarily need

From a young age, children must learn the value of hard work and that if you really want something, you need to put in the effort, show dedication and have patience and perseverance.

Work is precisely that: a constant show of effort, dedication, patience, and perseverance that only pays off only with time. You can teach this principle to your children by giving them household chores according to their age and abilities. As they grow, their responsibilities should increase. They need to know that no one else will do it for them if they forget or choose not to do it, and that not doing it will keep them from getting something they want. If your teen wants to work a few hours, as long as it doesn't get in the way of their school schedules, allow it. This will teach them responsibility, and they will learn that money does not grow on trees. They'll also learn that material things have value.

Teach them the value of giving

When our goal is to teach our children to be grateful, we must instill in them the desire to give. We must talk with our kids about the importance of sharing and being generous, and having empathy for others who are less fortunate. But it is, even more important, that as parents, we model the desire to give.

Involve your family in a community event where they can serve, donate clothes and shoes, or give money to help others. There are many hospitals, non-profit organizations, schools, churches, humanitarian organizations, etc., that provide many opportunities to serve and give.

Control your own urges to give your children everything they ask for

The wish of every parent is for their child to be better off than them. That can easily be confused with giving them everything they couldn't have when they were children. A culture of giving without limits creates ungrateful children.

We're living in a world where we are constantly consuming content, seeing false perfection, and being sold on the idea that we need more and more things. Now more than ever, parents need to step in and counteract this negative social and media influence. You have to set limits. Avoid "drowning" your children in toys, clothes, and things. Be careful not to give them more technology than they need. A simple life, almost always, is a fuller life.

Not having everything helps our children focus on what matters most, like friends and family, instead of yearning for things that — in reality — are not essential for their happiness.

Less is more.

by Damaris Alfaro

gratitude

children

parenting

Language English

Speaking Their Love Language

Sara — Mon, 09 Nov 2020 15:11:21 +0000

Speaking Their Love Language

About this episode

Children express and receive love in different ways. Knowing their love language will not only have a profound impact on your relationship and connection, but will also has help them feel unconditionally loved, accepted, heard and understood.

Sara Mon, 11/09/2020 - 09:11 https://soundcloud.com/familybridgesusa/speaking-their-love-language-feat-bill-…

Soundcloud Embed

9 November 2020

Bill Ferrell GRIP Outreach for Youth

Alicia La Hoz, Psy.D. Founder & CEO

Omar Ramos Host

Veronica Avila Co-Host

Podcast Series

The Struggle is Real: Modern Parenting

Additional Info

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The Struggle is Real podcast is based off the book, The Struggle is Real: Parenting in the 21st Century written by Dr. Alicia La Hoz & Dr. Paul Meier.

Podcast season

Nurture your child's heart & brain

Tags

love

parenting

children

Speaking Their Love Language

Children express and receive love in different ways. Knowing their love language will not only have a profound impact on your relationship and connection, but...

children

What Am I Passing On to My Kids: A Gift or Baggage?

Cuatro consejos para enseñarles a nuestros hijos a ser agradecidos

Teach them the value of money

Teach them to work for the things they want and don't necessarily need

Teach them the value of giving

Control your own urges to give your children everything they ask for

Speaking Their Love Language

TOOLS

Speaking Their Love Language

Childhood stress is a thing

Play by play of a child's brain

Raising the brainy child

5 Things You Can Do to not Drive the Teacher Crazy on the First Week of School

Follow the drop-off and pick up rules

Read the school instructions

Get the correct school supplies

Be kind, not sarcastic

Attend parent orientations

Five tips to help teach your kids Spanish

Send your kids to a Spanish speaking country

In the house, speak Spanish

Work in a Spanish speaking environment

Watch Spanish cartoons

Make your children feel proud of their roots and language

Tidy up, Down & Around

TOOLS

Stepping Inside the Troubled Mind feat. Dr. Paul Meier

Tidy up, Down & Around

Money Talks

Mom Wow

Money Talks

TOOLS

Stepping Inside the Troubled Mind feat. Dr. Paul Meier

Tidy up, Down & Around

Money Talks

Mom Wow

School's Out

TOOLS

Stepping Inside the Troubled Mind feat. Dr. Paul Meier

Tidy up, Down & Around

Money Talks

Mom Wow

Learning to learn

TOOLS

Learning to learn

Raising a reader

Building a vocabulary

Raising a reader

TOOLS

Learning to learn

Raising a reader

Building a vocabulary